the name is Imani

chapter 1

I watch her coffin being lowered into the hole. Although I never knew her, it still stings. I break down as I watch a painful chapter of my life close.

I look over my shoulder and see my grandmother, the one woman who matters more than anything in my life break down. Tears roll down her eyes like fountains. She is burying her daughter after all, my mother.

I'm Imani Khoza and this is my story.

SUNDAY, 18 JUNE

I wake up being shouted at by my grandmother. She is getting ready for church and I am still sleeping, lol.

I am really tired but I get up and get ready anyway.

Gogo: ntombi, I'll leave you behind!
Mani: I'm coming, gogo.

I walk into the living room while she is standing and holding her Bible and 'icilongo levangeli', ready for church. She grabs the car keys and continues shouting at me.

Anyway, we get in the car and drive off. I am driving cause baby girl says she is tired.

Gogo: when last did you talk to your dad?
Mani: last night.
Gogo: mmmm.

I have an amazing relationship with my father, he is my best friend, my ATM and my whole world. Can't say the same for my mom.

Allow me to properly introduce this story to you.

I'm Imani Ntombikayise Khoza. I'm 4'9 and I'm a size 38. I'm light skinned in complexion, like really light. I'm a size 4 and I have baby hands, lol. I'm 20 and a second year film student.

My parents are Irvine Mandla Khoza and Nandipha Sithole. My mom is mixed, Zulu and English and my dad is pure Zulu.

My mom hasn't really been active in my life. The only people that have been active in my life are my grandparents and my dad. I never really felt her absence, my dad made sure to fill those shoes.

My grandmother has also played a great role in my life. I love her so much and I visit quite often. That is whenever I'm not at college.

Anyway, we got to church and let me tell you!!! The service was too good. I love love love church.

After the service, my grandmother obviously speaks to her fellow church members and is bragging about her second year film student granddaughter who drives an i8 and lives with her wonderful father in a huge mansion that is situated in Joburg.

She does this all the time hle? Even the people are over it.

We eventually leave. We get home and cook a young Sunday kos. I pack a lunch box for myself and my father who is fetching me today. Today is my last day with gogo, I have to back to my reality. I also have an assignment due on Wednesday that I haven't completed. Oh I'm such a mess.

Gogo: my baby, have you spoken to your mom?

Oh here we go again.

Me: no, gogo. I also don't feel the need to reach out to someone who doesn't care enough to reach out to her own daughter, she ran away from her responsibilities and ran away from her daughter. I don't need her, we don't need her.
Gogo: but my baby...

My dad walks in before she can complete her sentence.

Gogo: hau my boy!

She exclaims with joy and stands up to hug him. They have such a great relationship, you'd swear he is her biological son.

Dad: saw'bona ma.
Gogo: how are you? I haven't seen you in so long, are you eating well kodwa?

She actually hasn't seen him for about a month now but my grandmother is the most dramatic person I know.