the name is Imani

chapter 46

WEDNESDAY, 15 MAY
07:00

I go home, take a shower, get dressed and make my way back to the hospital each day since the accident. I am here everyday with hope that maybe there will be progress, movement, a sound or just something that will give us hope. However, I return back home with no hope still because there has been no progress in her condition.

The doctors say that they have done their best but I think not. I think if they had really done their best, she would be awake right now. Not only that but they have been asking us to switch off the machines. I will not be switching off any machines.

I am currently in my mom's wards, sitting on the couch with a throwover, it's bit chilly today and the wind is also a bit rough outside. I have been here since last night.

Anyway, gogo walks in and gives me a hug.

Gogo: you should go home, my daughter.
Me: no, gogo.
Gogo: you have freshen up and come back. your husband and daughter also need you.
Me: gogo, Zizwe understands that I need to be here. my mother needs me.
Gogo: Imani, I won't repeat myself.
Me: okay, I will be back. make sure that they don't switch off these machines.
Gogo: okay.
Me: I love you, bye.
Gogo: I love you.

I get in my car and drive to my house where I freshen up quickly before making breakfast for my husband and my daughter, just an English breakfast.

Zizwe: good morning, mama. how are you?
Me: tired, very tired.
Zizwe: don't you think that maybe you should take a nap?
Me: no, ma needs me.
Zizwe: okay.
Me: what are your plans for today?
Zizwe: just watching your daughter and then going to get your mother some flowers.
Me: thank you. I think she'll appreciate them when she wakes up.
Zizwe: yeah so I will bring them later on.
Me: okay. mommy needs to go, take care of yourselves.
Zizwe: okay, bye.

I grab my car keys, my phone and my bag before leaving the house. I then drive to the hospital. I park my car and sit in the parking lot for a while. I allow the tears to just flow for a few minutes before fixing myself. My cornrows don't look so bad, I could refresh them though.

I get out of the car and lock it before heading inside the hospital. I get to the corridor and find Gogo standing outside my mother's room.

Me: hau Gogo? why don't you go in and see your daughter?

I laugh at her but her facial expression remains serious. I can't shake it off though, this feeling that something is wrong.

Me: well, let me go see her.

She moves out of the way, looking as if she feels guilty about something. I walk in and find a nurse cleaning up and the bed is empty too. It is also made.

Me: who made the bed? is my mom in the bathroom.
Nurse: ma'am, your-

She pauses and the doctor walks in.

Doc: Mrs Khumalo.
Me: that's me.
Doc: why are you here?
Me: what do you mean? I am here to see my mother? where is she?

I ask although I know deep down that she is not here.

Me: WHERE IS MY MOTHER?!
Doc: ma'am, your grandmother signed some papers a few hours ago that stated that we could switch off the machines and as she is her mother, we could not protest that.
Me: and you switched them off?
Doc: Mrs Khumalo-
Me: stop right there, I asked you a simple question and I need a simple answer. YOU SWITCHED THEM OFF?
Doc: yes, ma'am.
Me: you killed my mother.

The nurse walks towards me and I take a step back.

Me: stay right where you are. don't come near me.

I run out and race to my car where I scream and cry my eyes out. In that moment, I get a call from Zizwe.

Zizwe: hey love, we are on our way there. you don't sound okay, what's going on?
Me: she's gone, Zizwe.
Zizwe: who is gone?
Me: my mother, Zizwe. my mother is gone.
Zizwe: baby, I am so sorry.
Me: it's okay, please throw those flowers away.

I hang up and continue to cry. Within a few minutes, I hear a knock on my window.

Me: Zizwe?
Zizwe: let me hold you.

I get out of the car and throw myself into his arms as he comforts me.

Zizwe: I am so so sorry, mama.
Me: how could gogo be so heartless?