the name is Imani

chapter 20

Me: so you thought to come to your brother's house and discuss this?
Zizwe: no, I am here for his sick son. Buhle told me he's not well so please take me to see him.
Me: sit there by the poolside, I'll bring him. open the gazebo as well.
Zizwe: alright.

I go and get Athenkosi. He is already awake so I take him outside to his uncle.

Zizwe: the mother must be beautiful.
Me: what makes you say so?
Zizwe: this child is beautiful, my brother is handsome but not like this.

I laugh at him because he's actually serious.

Me: are you battling something? is everything okay at home?
Zizwe: whatever.
Me: you are crazy.
Zizwe: listen, I am sorry about what happened.
Me: you don't have to be, I wanted it too. I needed it. Zizwe, the last few days of not talking to you have been torture to me. between nursing Athenkosi and the fights that go on in this house, I have been losing my mind. I can't wait to graduate and leave
Zizwe: you do know that I am here for you, right?
Me: I know, ntwana. thank you.

We sit by the poolside for a little while longer but Athenkosi falls asleep so we go back inside. I put him down on the couch next to me and Zizwe sits on one of the one sitter couches.

Zizwe: I am so tired.
Me: the year has only just begun.
Zizwe: but still.

Nkosi walks in, greets and tells me to come with him. So I follow him to his study.

Nkosi: ma wants to see us.
Me: and who is us?
Nkosi: me, you, Athenkosi, Buhle and Lonwabo.
Me: you, Buhle and Lonwabo can go but my baby and I are not going to that hell hole you call home to deal with the devil, you call your mother.
Nkosi: what?

He says in his language as he comes closer to me.

Me: did I stutter? go without us.

He slaps me and I fall on the floor. Zizwe barges in and helps me up.

Zizwe: what are you doing? are you mad? this is not how you treat a woman. you don't put your hands on your women. Imani stays here all day and takes care of your child, whose mother ran away because you are incapable of choosing the right women to have children with and this is how you repay her? you are just like your father.
Nkosi: no.
Zizwe: oh but you are? beating ma is what he did best and this is you now. I don't care what you do with your life but you hitting Imani is something I won't tolerate. the next time you put your hands on her, you will have me to deal with, remember that. I will not hesitate to kill you, Nkosikhona. enough is enough.

Zizwe grabs my wrist and pulls me out of the study. He takes Athenkosi, Athenkosi's bag and he pulls me to his car.

Buhle is not home right now so he calls her on our way to his house. We get to his house and I try to calm him down.

Zizwe: I am tired of Nkosi treating you like trash. you are worth so much more!

He looks away and my attention goes to his trembling hands so I place mine on his. He looks at me.

Me: thank you.

He nods while looking into my eyes. He comes closer and starts kissing me slowly. Now, this man is really seductive and his presence brings great comfort and peace and love. Most importantly, joy.

He then gets up and holds my hand, leading me to his bedroom yet again.

THREE HOURS LATER

Zizwe: Buhle is on her way.
Me: okay.

I say as I stand in his kitchen, cooking while wearing his pajamas after taking along shower using his products. I smell just like him.

He walks closer to me, holds my hand and pulls me closer and as he leans in, Athenkosi begins screaming.

Me: let me go get him.

Zizwe rolls his eyes and I throw a dishcloth at him.

Me: that's my sick baby that's crying, sir.

I head over to Zizwe's bedroom and take Athenkosi and as I walk out, I notice something underneath his bed. After calming Athe down, I place him on the bed with his rattle. While he plays with it, I bend down and pick up what's on the floor and it's female underwear.

Zizwe walks in looking absolutely shocked about my findings.

Me: what is this?
Zizwe: Imani.
Me: that's my name and this is female underwear. so it's genetics, right?
Zizwe: I can explain.
Me: not to me, you're not going to. keep your explanation.

Buhle calls and tells me she's outside so I take my baby and his bag and we leave.

An hour after we get to the house, Zizwe calls me...

Zizwe: I am outside and I want to see you, please come out.
Me: I am busy.
Zizwe: alright then, I guess I will come in.

He's probably just bluffing. He wouldn't do that now, would he?

Oh but he would because he is now outside my door. He walks in and locks the door before settling on the bed.

Me: sure. come on in and take a seat, make yourself at home.

I say, sarcastically.

Zizwe: this not the time.
Me: oh, really? I had no idea.
Zizwe: look, I met up with an ex and we're back together.
Me: okay.
Zizwe: I am sorry.
Me: don't be, I am not hurt.
Zizwe: the tears on your face say otherwise.
Me: are you happy?
Zizwe: yes.

I don't know why but that feels like the biggest punch in the gut. It really hurts me too hear him say that he's happy with another girl but not everything should be about me, right?

Me: I am happy for you.

I say wiping my tears away.

Me: now, please leave.

He does as asked of him and I just break down as soon as he's out. I lock my door and cry myself to sleep with Athenkosi sleeping next to me.

I am so hurt, I won't lie but I really don't want to get in the way of his happiness.