the name is Imani

chapter 49

SATURDAY, 25 MAY

04:00

I wake up in the morning and drive to my house to prepare something to wear for Zizwe and Armani.

I get home and find him already up and packing Armani's bag.

Me: good morning, baby.
Zizwe: good morning, my love.

He gives me a hug and a peck on the forehead.

Zizwe: you know we were going to be just fine, right?
Me: you know that's a lie. Armani, where is she?
Zizwe: she's sleeping.
Me: okay, let me go get your clothes out.

I go upstairs and prepare our clothes. Zizwe comes in while I'm doing that.

Zizwe: should I bathe her?

I don't respond as I am lost in my own thoughts so he comes closer and gives me a hug. I then cry my eyes out in his arms for a solid thirty minutes.

After my little crying session, I get up and bathe Armani. By the time I'm done with that, Zizwe is already dressed. I dress Armani and get dressed as well.

Once I'm done with that, we get in the car and drive back to Gogo's house. Everyone is done getting ready and people from the church are here to give some words of motivation. I really hope this won't take time, I want to get this over and done with.

09:00

I watch her coffin being lowered into the hole. Although I never knew her, it still stings. I break down as I watch a painful chapter of my life close.

I look over my shoulder and see my grandmother, the one woman who matters more than anything in my life break down. Tears roll down her eyes like fountains. She is burying her daughter after all, my mother.

Zizwe holds my hand while holding Armani on the other side and we throw roses over her before they cover the hole up.

Zizwe: be strong, baby. we can't take these tears back home. we have to leave them here.

I nod and my dad comes over to me to give me a hug.

Once everything is done, we head back home and I find Ntonto helping the ladies dish up for the people.

Ntonto: hey girl.

I look at her and see a little bump but assume that her stomach is bloated.

Me: hey, where is Athenkosi?
Ntonto: he is inside, playing games on his iPad. he was hysterical when he got here and didn't find Armani.

I laugh at the thought of Athenkosi lashing out. That boy is so dramatic, when I tell you that he pretends to collapse each time dad says "no" to anything that he wants.

Ntonto: my feet are killing me, let's go inside. I want to show you something.
Me: okay.

I hold her hand and we go to Gogo's bedroom where she takes my hand and places it on her belly.

Me: no!
Ntonto: yes.
Me: you are lying!
Ntonto: no, I am not.
Me: I am so happy for you.

I say as we both cry. This has not been an easy journey for her.

Zizwe walks in and finds us crying with my hands on Ntonto's stomach.

Zizwe: mzala, you're pregnant?!

He says with his hands on his waist and Ntonto bursts out laughing, Zizwe is so funny.

Zizwe: so why are you crying? you guys bore me shame. deuces.
Me: I love you.
Zizwe: ah.

He walks out with the most flamboyant walk that I have ever seen.

Ntonto: denial is a river in Egypt.
Me: my man is not gay!
Ntonto: babe, he is.
Me: whatever.

Athenkosi runs in and hugs me.

Athe: you know, mommy has a baby in her tummy.
Me: really?
Athe: yes, let me go and tell Gogo.
Ntonto: Athenkosi.
Athe: mama.
Ntonto: I want to tell Gogo.
Athe: oh mommy, I already beat you to it. I told Gogo last night when you left me here. I want to go tell her that I've told my sister.

He runs and Ntonto shakes her head.

Me: that's your child.
Ntonto: that's my child.