Sand In My Boots - Morgan Wallen Story

Chapter 19

Lesli and I had gone to bed late last, talking about what had happened with Morgan. She seemed to be as disappointed as I was and had assured me that no matter what happened between him and I, Ellie and I would always be welcome at her house. She had made me promise, before dropping us off at the airport, that I would still let Ellie call her grandma Lesli and that she would FaceTime her every once in a while. I was sad to leave. My heart was in pieces and I didn't know how long it would take until I would be able to glue it back together. I'd had high hopes for Morgan and I's relationship, to a point where I let my feelings cloud my judgment. I had made poor choices over the last few weeks and I desperately needed to go home and get back to my normal life in order to correct things. Morgan had sent me a few texts, saying he was sorry, again, and that I should call him, which I hadn't done and didn't plan on doing.

"I thought we'd be staying here longer, mama," Ellie said, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Me too, baby. Sometimes, things don't turn out the way we plan."

"I'm gonna miss Grandma Lesli," she pouted.

"I know, baby. I'm gonna miss her too, I admitted.

"When is Morgan coming home, mama?" she asked. I felt my heart sink into my chest.

"I don't think Morgan will be around anymore, Ellie," I explained.

"Why?" she asked.

"Sometimes, when people don't treat us right, we have to walk away and protect ourselves," I said, squeezing her little shoulder gently.

"Like we did with daddy?" she asked. My heart broke at that question. That little girl had already been through so much. And the worst part was that he knew that and still was careless. I didn't know how I could ever forgive him for that. Or myself, frankly.

****

We landed in Burlington at around 4:00 PM and took a cab ride to Jared's house. He had made me promise that we would come see him as soon as we landed, so we did. Ellie rang the doorbell and he opened the door right away.

"Why, if this isn't princess Eleanor! Please come in, milady," he said, bowing down to her jokingly.

"You're funny," she giggled, walking into the house. "Can I watch Cocomelon?"

"You can do whatever you want princess," he answered. I heard her little footsteps run towards the living room and turn the TV on.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling my eyes well up with tears.

"Stop apologizing, you did nothing wrong," he said, pulling me in for a hug.

"I should have listened to you," I whispered into his neck.

"Live and learn," he said, rubbing my back softly. "Live and learn."

I pulled away from the hug and walked into the house, closing the front door behind me.

"Has he tried to contact you?"

"Only a million times," I exaggerated.

"Have you given him the chance to explain?"

"Explain what. Seems pretty simple to me," I snapped.

"Alright, don't get mad at me. I was just asking," he said softly.

"Sorry, I just- I don't feel too good," I apologized.

"That's alright, did you eat today?" he asked. I shook my head no. "Well, that can't help. Let me whip you up something."

"Don't bother, I don't think I can stomach anything right now."

"How come?"

"I don't know, I've been super nauseous today. Probably just the lack of sleep, mixed in with the roller coaster of emotions," I explained.

"If you say so," he said. "If you think you caught some sort of bug or something, maybe you shouldn't come back to work right away, though."

"I'm fine, Jared. I'm just tired."

"Go lie down," he said.

"I'll be alright, really-"

"Go lay down, Aubrey. I'll watch Ellie," he insisted.

"Really?" I asked.

"Go!"

***

I woke up a few hours later, in Jared's bed, with my stomach in my throat. I got out of bed slowly and the nausea increasingly got worse. I clutched my stomach and made my way to the bathroom quietly. Jared saw me emerging from the bedroom.

"Hey, did you sleep well?" he asked. I nodded and gave him a thumbs up, unable to speak, fearing I would throw up all over his floor if I did.

"Are you good?" he asked. I ignored his question and ran to the bathroom, knowing full well I couldn't keep it in much longer. I slammed the door behind me and gagged, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. Jared came in a few seconds after me and held my hair as I kept retching.

"I don't want you to see me like this," I mumbled into the toilet bowl.

"I'm a doctor, trust me, I've seen worse," he joked. "Here," he said, handing me a glass of water. I took the water and flushed the vile soup of meals past down the toilet. I sat on the floor, sipping slowly from the glass of water.

"So, are we gonna talk about it?" he asked.

"Talk about what?" I breathed, exhausted.

"Aubrey," he insisted.

"What?" I snapped, not getting the subtlety of his message.

"I don't think the emotions are what's making you sick, or what made you take an eight hour nap at 4 o'clock in the afternoon," he stated.

"I slept for eight hours?! Shit, what time is it? Where's Ellie?"

"It's a little past midnight. Ellie's sleeping in the guest room," he said.

"I'm so sorry, I'm just exhausted."

"And nauseous," he added. "And unable to stomach anything," he said, tilting his head slightly.

"No, that's not what this is," I assured him.

"Well, have you taken a test? 'Cause I know you weren't on the pill, he called me to-"

"I'm not pregnant, Jared!" I snapped.

"Brey," he said softly. "If you are, ignoring it won't make it go away."

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to yell at him and scream and cry and punch a hole in the freaking wall, but none of that would have mattered. I could keep my head in the sand for as long as I wanted, but the truth was; I knew he was right. I hadn't felt that way since I had first gotten pregnant with Ellie. My head started spinning.

"It's still early, you know. You have options," he said.

"No, Jared! No, I don't! Maybe some women do and I respect that but I do not. I don't want to even thin-"

"Okay," he said softly. "You don't have to yell, or get angry. I'm just saying that whatever you do, I'll be by your side," he explained, taking my hand into his.

"Can I ask you one favor," I said, my eyes welling up with tears.

"Anything you want."

"Please, don't tell him."