god rivals || hyunlix

LII.

Dear Mom,

It's been a while since I last spoke to you and I'm anxious to know what happened. How did dad find out about Hyunjin and me? Did he come looking for me? Is he mad at me? I have so many questions and I need answers.

I've been having nightmares since the day I received that letter about me going back to heaven. I can't sleep, even though Hyunjin is always here, holding me close and telling me everything will be alright. But everything is not alright.

I'm scared, Mom. I'm scared of what's going to happen when I have to go back to heaven. I don't want to leave Hyunjin behind. I love him so much and I can't bear the thought of being away from him.

It's been a week since I sent that letter and I still haven't heard from you. I know you're probably busy, but I need to hear from you. I need to know what's going on.

Just a few days ago, I received a letter from you. But it only said "I'm sorry." That's it. No explanation, no details. Just those two words.

What are you sorry for, Mom? Is everything going to be okay? Please tell me everything is going to be okay.

Love,

Felix

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Dear Mom,

I'm sorry to keep writing to you like this, but I don't know who else to turn to. Hyunjin has already left for heaven, earlier than me, and I'm all alone now. I'm scared for him.

What if something happens to him just because of me? I don't know how to handle this feeling of guilt and fear. It's overwhelming and I can't seem to shake it off.

I'm not sleeping well. I'm awake every night, just thinking about everything that has happened. My friends have been staying with me, but they can only do so much. They can't take away this pain and fear that I'm feeling.

I've been writing to you every day, but you still haven't responded. I don't know what to do. I need your help, Mom. I need you to tell me that everything is going to be okay.

I feel so horrible for not telling my father about Hyunjin earlier. If I had, maybe we wouldn't be in this mess right now. Maybe Hyunjin wouldn't have had to leave before me. I'm doubting myself so much and it's driving me crazy.

Please, Mom, I need your help. I need to know that things will be okay.

Love,
Felix.

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Dear Mom,

I feel like I'm losing my mind. I had sleep paralysis last night and I'm scared. Scared for Hyunjin, scared for myself, and scared for our family. I need to hear from you. Please, Mom, just let me know that everything is going to be okay.

I'm sorry for writing so much, but I don't know what else to do. I feel like driving myself crazy.

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My second pen ran out of ink, and tears are dripping down to the letter I'm writing. I don't know what to do, Mom. I don't know how to make this fear and guilt go away.

I need you, Mom. Please write back to me.

Love,
Felix.

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Dear Felix,

I hope this letter finds you well. I know it's been a while, and I'm sorry for leaving you behind. But please believe that it was my time to go, and there was nothing you could have done to change that.

I wanted to write to you to tell you that I am okay. I am in a better place now, and I want you to know that you were a great person to me. You were the one who made me feel like I belong, and I will always cherish that.

Please don't blame yourself for what happened. It was not your fault. You did everything you could, and I will always be grateful for that.

As for your mother, I wanted to let you know that she may not be able to respond to your letters. She is going through a tough time herself, and I don't think she knows how to deal with what happened. But know that she loves you, and she will always be there for you.

And so will I. But I think that our ways needs to be separated, Felix. We've been together for three years now. It's time to move on.

Lastly, I want you to remember that you are not alone. Your friends and family are here for you, and they want to help you through this. You don't have to carry this burden all by yourself.

Take care of yourself, Felix. And know that I am watching over you.

Stay safe, sunshine.

Love,
Hyunjin.

Felix picked up the letter, his hands shaking. He had been alone for two weeks, refusing to spend time with his friends because he didn't want to put pressure on them. He had been hoping that his mother would respond to his letters, but all he got was silence.

He opened the letter, and it wasn't from his mother. It was from Hyunjin. Tears flooded his eyes as he read the letter. Hyunjin was okay. He was watching over Felix. And he was grateful for their relationship. But he had to go and move on. Felix knew it wasn't Hyunjin's idea to write sentence like this.

The last thing they've promised every night before going to sleep, was that they won't let anyone to separate them. Their love was too strong to be broken.

Felix couldn't help but smile, even through his tears. He wasn't alone after all.

.........

-t