sad, beautiful, tragic // j.r.b

ten

I will say... I don't reallyyyy like this one. But the beginning's fun so maybe that'll count for something :/

TW: This chapter contains discussion of sexual content and brief depictions of sexual content, depictions of anxiety, smoking, addiction, and brief mentions of mental illness and trauma.

SHEESH that was a mouthful but I promise it's not that intense, just wanna cover all my bases!

~

I never viewed myself as a deep sleeper until that night, our positions flipping as I knocked out nearly the second I curled up on Hazel's chest this time. Her heartbeat and soft breathing lulling me to a dreamland of no return, not to mention the way she seemed to hold me like I was the only person on planet earth. I almost cursed whenever my alarm buzzed obnoxiously and I woke up to my head buried in her pillow instead. Though the soft sound of music and harmonizing from my cracked bathroom door made a soft smile tug on my face.

Even with wet hair fresh from a shower Hazel still looked like a dream, the smallest smile of her own stretching on her lips once she fully pushed the door open. "Morning sleepyhead." She said as she trotted over to my bedside, her hand brushing through my hair that felt like the most gentle touch I had ever experienced. "How're you feeling?"

"I don't know," I admitted with a weak sigh, not realizing how I actually felt until I tried to adjust myself to where I was facing her, "Everything feels heavy."

"I get it." She frowned before I noticed the way she knelt down next to me, placing another delicate kiss to my forehead that I would've held there forever. "You know I don't think anyone would blame you if you wanted to take the day off." She voiced before letting herself more or less flop back into bed.

"Are you taking the day off or something?" I wondered, feeling her almost nudge her way underneath my arm before I could even wrap it around her shoulders.

"Oh no way, I just wanna lay with you another second. You should though." She answered before nuzzling her head into my chest before I could let out a whine at her wet hair soaking into my shirt.

"Hazel, your hair's wet!" I groaned, my hands flying to her shoulders in some attempt to pry her off of me but she wouldn't budge.

"Shut up and love me!" She exclaimed, her arms latching around me for dear life.

"I do but it's fucking cold!"

"Just like your heart!" She fired back sassily, extending a middle finger my way as I finally rolled her off of me, a pout already forming on her face before her eyes went wide. Like she had just had a sudden revelation that I didn't yet. "Wait did you just... did you just say what I think you said?"

"It's... fucking cold?" I questioned with a tilted head and a raised eyebrow.

"No, before that. Whenever I said 'love me' you said...?" She went on, trying to put all the pieces together before my eyes went wide in realization.

"Oh- I-" my cheeks heated in disbelief at how quickly and casually I was able to say those words. "Shit- is that- is that bad or-"

"No, I just- it's the first time you've ever kind of said it and- I don't know." She switched from goofy confidence to shy just like that. A blushing disaster as she hugged her knees to herself while she drew herself against the headboard. "I mean, do you?"

I caught my bottom lip in between my teeth as I let my eyes lock on hers as if trying to read her somehow. I know I did. So viscerally and completely I wasn't even sure what to do with myself. But was that okay though? Was that too far? "What if... what if I do?" I questioned almost nervously as I pushed myself up to a sitting position, inching myself away just in case. Just in case there was about to be a fallout.