sad, beautiful, tragic // j.r.b

eleven

This one is also a little bit rough and somewhat chaotic sorry :( Also includes some RA lingo so some of it may not make sense idk. We were in a rough writer's block space for a while but we're getting out slowly but surely. 🫡

TW: This chapter contains brief discussions of homophobia.

~

I had to admit I was a little afraid to move forward with the way she seemed to draw into herself. Staring almost fearfully down at the notebook like something would jump out at her. But slowly and cautiously I flipped to a page marked with a purple tab, the words 'Sour Breath' written a top the page in her same messy handwriting. I barely got a chance to read the first line before her hands were darting out to cover the page, noticing a faint shake to them as I jumped and held mine up in surrender.

"Sorry I- I didn't mean to snap I just-" Her eyes glancing up at me with that same look of guilt in them that never seemed to go away. "I made you jump, I'm sorry."

"J, don't apologize." I shook my head before clasping my hands over top of her own though not making any effort to move them. "It's okay, I get it. I know it's personal and we're not there yet-"

"No, I mean, it's just- there are things about me in there that might-" It seemed like it pained her to say it, to even go on, almost like she was giving herself away by continuing to talk. But I just stayed with my eyes glued to hers. "That might make you think differently of me."

"Did you kill somebody?" The words being the first thing I could think of, earning a concerned expression from her end as she shook her head. "Then it's not gonna change anything." She stared at me for a while, we stared at each other so intently I wondered if we were trying to send each other our thoughts telepathically. Though slowly she began to slide her hands out from underneath mine, chewing on her bottom lip as she relinquished her hold on the book. "Are you sure?"

She nodded, still terrified, still wringing her hands for dear life, though she let herself draw back. "I'm sure."

I took in a heavy breath as I glanced back down at the page. Feeling like I was reading something I shouldn't even though she had given me permission. And she was right, it was dark, it was devastating, but it was beautiful. Beautiful and raw and emotional and everything a song like this should've been. "Julien... holy shit-"

"What?" She gulped anxiously as I let my eyes meet hers again, looking like she was just waiting on a rejection of some sort.

"This is- that's- you're so talented. How do you not see it?" I grasped her hands in mine again, wanting to wrap my arms around her and never let go though being in a public place I tried to refrain. "I mean it just, I feel it... I guess, is what I'm trying to say. Like, in a way, I mean if I would've read this from day one I probably would've fallen in love with you a lot faster."

"Seriously?" She almost laughed as her eyebrows furrowed together as if in shock. "You're joking right now? That sad ass song?"

"Yes you absolute goof." I said with a laugh of my own as I sat forward, only to lay a soft hand on her cheek that I tried to keep as subtle as possible but probably failed astronomically at. "It's devastating but it's beautiful. Sad songs are beautiful, you know?"

"I guess I just never thought anything I created could be beautiful." Her words pierced my heart as I released a long and sad sigh, only shaking my head as I laid my lips against her forehead. Probably getting weird looks from other people but in that moment I didn't care. It was easy to throw the concern of other people's thoughts away whenever I was with her.

"Well, I have bad news... a lot of your thoughts have been pretty false so far." I admitted, still gently grasping onto her face before she burst into giggles.