Two Kingdoms | Park Sunghoon

39

TWO HOURS EARLIER.
SUNGHOON POV.

I was unable to move an inch. My body felt weighed down in deep remorse that could not be undone. My actions, my betrayal, my heartbreak could not be undone no matter how hard I pursue forgiveness. Aeri could never forgive or forget.

What hurts me even more is I love her. I love the woman more than myself; yet apparently not more than my damned throne. Seeing her smile was my therapy. Hearing her voice was my cure and I found myself praying that she felt the same about me. However, too blinded by the goal, I failed to realise how deep I had lured her in. The woman who refused any male contact, let alone even the topic of marriage accepted my proposal. My heart was bipolar: one day I was laughing at her gullibility and foolishness for being tricked by me and other days my heart ached and churned for her love.

"Sunghoon? It is time to leave!" My father's voice startled me as I ran towards the door, swinging it open and slightly bowing.

"Father you did not need to come here, I could've come to you." I gestured for him to come inside and sit, yet he shook is head politely.

"No no, no need. I only came to see you and check that you are ready to leave."

"Um, how do I say this? I will join you a while after. Please go on ahead without me and I shall join you at the Kingdom of Silla after a bit. I have some pending tasks."

"Of course. I'll see you soon."

"Long live the King." I said before bowing down in front of my father, watching him smile as he walked away.

Slamming the door shut, I sat down slowly against it. Curling into a ball, I held tightly onto my legs and buried my head into my legs, rocking back and forth in my inconsolable despair. The feeling of a dagger poking at my heart consumed me and my body. Why did I ever do that? Even if my heart didn't burn for her, I shouldn't have done that. No human deserves to be made vulnerable with matters of the heart they cannot control, for I tainted a beautiful soul with my disloyalty and distrust.
The woman I love bad such burning passion for her status and role: the way she kept all finances in order, all secrets safe and put aside her soft heart just to prove she could do the role like a man.

My heart broke. Not just like any heartbreak. It broke knowing Aeri loved in good faith and I loved in jealous faith, that I made her form a bond that would only murder if broken. A bond that would kill either Aeri because of the pain and utter denial of her lover's actions; or it would kill me, for I would die at the hands of myself in guilt.

I stares across the room at my bed. The same bed I fell peacefully asleep in despite my dire sins. The clock was ticking.

Walking over slowly to my bed, I grabbed the dagger and my sharpening whetstone only to drag the stone over the edge of the dagger again as if my hour of sharpening was not enough already. My body wailed in anguish and fatigue, not because I hadn't eaten a single morsel since yesterday morning but because I lost her so easily. For all I know, because of my fucking mistake, Aeri could be laying on the ground bleeding out in pain.

As I stared at the dagger, memories flooded out. The day my mother gave this dagger to me. It was my fifteenth birthday and despite being sick on what was to be her deathbed, she gifted me this dagger. I never used or wore any other dagger, but cherished this one close to me and luckily never drew blood from it. However that was to change fairly soon.

Rising to me feet once again, I strolled over to the balcony, seeing the horses enter speedily through the gate, infiltrating Aeri's beautiful kingdom. The pain entwined its burning slender fingers around my neck, choking my minimal happiness away from me. My grip tightened on the handle of the honed knife,
gradually bringing it up  on the air chest level.

Taking one last glimpse of Silla, my eyes widened in consternation as I witnessed the flames in front of my eyes, churning and engulfing the buildings in its hearth. I lowered my head even deeper in thought, tears welling in my eyes and not hesitating to drip down my cheek and down to my neck. Dagger still in hand, I used my wrist to wipe my useless undeserving tears.

My heart raced; even faster than whenever I set my eyes upon Aeri.

Goosebumps arose on my skin, my hair standing up slightly.

Chills ran down my spine, shivering but because I was cold. Because I was scared.

Not scared of the consequences, if any at all. Scared of myself. Scared of the monster I had become. Scared of the person I had become and the people I had hurt. The innocent souls of the common folk in her kingdom: gone. To think that if both of our kingdoms truly collaborated, Saebom would be done for; obliterated in fact.

"How could I be such a fool?" I clenched my teeth as the bitter, salty tears streamed down faster. Emptiness arrived in my long ago, the minute I became aware of the ultimate goal, but it never left. It only grew to sizes I struggled to imagine; I was the destination of grief. Torrent droplets raced down as I tried to stop them by biting my lips: failing miserably.

As I took my final deep breaths, I gave myself a small smile. Trying to gaslight myself into thinking I did right and I fulfilled my duty and that my duty came before all else. Trying to convince my heart that I am truthful and I am right.

Lifting the knife up once more, turning its edge towards me, having the tip poking itself against my skin. My hands shook uncontrollably, like a blur. My bloodshot, teary eyes couldn't focus on any object without a dizzy hit to my head.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Like electricity, the pain shot through my veins, reminding me that I still had feelings after all those weeks of numbness. I slowly pushed the dagger in, piercing my flesh and muscle. I let out a small yelp, yet no scream came out. My mouth lay wide open as I kept shoving the dagger further in. My brain and body pleaded me to stop het my heart and soul didn't allow me. It was deserved.

Exhale.

A/N:
Thank you for coming thus far. I don't know why it took me more than a week to publish this, however I hope it lives up to its 'anticipation'. Votes are highly appreciated on my behalf, thank you. <3