Dancing In His Storm [BxB] √

21.4: The Shadows of Betrayal

AMBROSE

Kissing Rachel was the only option I had thought of with my sudden goal of wanting to see August flinch for bit. I don't know why I suddenly went from feeling sorry to being vindictive but that's not the only thing that I want August to know. I wanted him to know that I'm hurting, that I felt so much like an afterthought dessert. I wanted to see his reaction if I kiss his girlfriend right in front of him even knowing the fact that I still like him. It would, without a doubt, plant a whole lot of questions inside his head. I don't know, it might actually give him some hard time sleeping tonight.

I'm very much aware of the lingering fact that the lines between me and August were basically blurry, and part of kissing Rachel would probably make it a bit clearer in the sense.

I kept my eyes open and directly focused my sight on August as I was kissing Rachel. He was unsurprisingly astonished with both of his eyes both balled out. He looked like he'd seen a ghost, perhaps a poltergeist.

"Ew, gross! Get away from me," Rachel wiggled away from the kiss and began wiping off her lips as if I'm the most disgusting shit ever to have walked this earth. "You fucking sick!!!" Rachel was pissed off. She doesn't know this but she's caught up in between this conflict.

"What the fuck was that, Ambrose?" August interrogated and he was clearly confused much to my amusement.

"I don't know." I shook my head as I was grinning in slight contentment.

"You are the sickest jerk that I've ever met!!!" Rachel yelled at the top of her lungs and resumed punching me right in the chest. I just stood right in front of her as she tried her best to deal damage. It doesn't matter anyway; I'm already broken more than she would've even thought of. "Get the fuck out of here!!!"

"I will." I spat giving August one last glance.

I turned my back and the smile of contentment that was just painted in my face was wiped squeaky clean and was replaced with a miserable saggy expression. That feeling of contentment didn't even last long. I thought it would make me feel better, unfortunately it didn't.

Defeat had knocked me out real hard tonight. I had so much hope and expectations only for this disaster to come and sweep me along with it. I walked away with nothing but pain and agony scratching me from the inside out. I still want August but he seemed like he still loves Rachel more than me. I still don't know if he's gay or not and this was utterly complicated than I thought. We never really had this serious conversation about what's going on between us and I think that's one of the reason why this wasn't working. I still know that he likes me but I don't know if that's enough. I know I'm gay because I like another guy but I feel like I need more time to explore my sexuality.

I staggered my way towards the motorcycle and I have no other choice but to go home and beat myself up. I wanted to listen to August's explanation but there's this fear growing in me that he might just fabricate some bullshit. I still don't know if August's capable of that, I'm sure he is, but I just don't know if he's willing to conjure a lie to make me feel better. It just adds to the already writhing agony that I've been waiting for this moment to sneak out with August and it's not going to happen because I saw him about to have sex with Rachel.

This night was an unforeseen disaster and walking away from it was the only way to end it without me erupting. I feel bad at myself for punching and kicking August even when I still want to hang out with him. But that wasn't me at all, that was the anger wrapping me tight with its puppet strings.

I can still hear Rachel screaming words behind me but I can't properly hear the words she was venting out. I'm sure she's cursing out on me but the words were just gibberish like my ears are filtering the clarity. I resumed walking and I tried my best no to look back because if I look back, I might just end up running towards August and kissing him. That's would cause chaos and I don't want any of that.

I got to where I parked my motorcycle, fished the keys from my pocket and the next thing I know; I was already riding my way home.

By the time I got home I was more than shocked to see all of the lights were turned on warranting the thought that my parents, or at least my dad's home again. I saw my dad's car parked right at its usual parking space. I parked my motorcycle and stood frozen for a long moment. I still haven't let what had happened earlier sink in but the feelings that I've got from it were very ruthless to me. I'm really hurt and emotional tonight, the things that have happened were just mentally exhausting that I just want to throw myself on the couch and sleep. Or maybe I'll just sit under the cold shower and cry my heart out.

I let out a heavy sigh thinking about the imminent reality that I have to face my parents tonight when I'm already worn out and almost dilapidated. I'm not ready for this family drama but it seems like life's just beating the shit out of me. I can still clearly remember my last interaction with my dad and although I had a lot of opinions about it, I kept my mouth sewn tight.

I walked as tardy as possible, feeling rather unwilling to face this upcoming fiasco, I gradually reached the doorstep. I instantly heard the classical music that my father loved to listen whenever he's home. I grabbed the doorknob and opened the door with the expectation that I might see my dad and his young mistress again but I was stunned to see my mother instead.

"I'm home," I uttered casually letting them know about my arrival.

"Oh there's my son," My dad mouthed acknowledging my presence. "Your mom and I were waiting for you."

"I'm so sorry, dad. I didn't know you were coming home." I replied. My dad was holding a glass of whiskey while my mom was sitting at the couch reading a book.

"We thought of having a family dinner together but you obviously showed up late, so we just had dinner ourselves." My dad revealed. I guess he was just trying to be thoughtful but if he really wants me on that dinner table then he could've easily called me. It's not that hard to dial a number on a smartphone.

"I feel tired. I think I have to retreat to bed now." My mom opened her mouth speak and I'm not even surprised that she's acting like I don't exist at all.

"What? You are going to bed now? It's still quite early." My dad trailed.

"It's already ten and I'm not getting any younger." My mom spat and eventually walked away.

I haven't seen my mom in how many months and that's how she acts. She looked a bit older which was sort of expected. I'm not surprised that she just walked away the moment I got home, and she didn't even acknowledge my presence, not even by a single glance.

My dad went quiet as I walked straight towards the fridge to get something cold to drink. I poured myself a glass of grape juice and gulped it almost in an instant.

"Where were you?" My dad inquired taking a short sip of that whiskey.

"I went to a house party." I replied.

"Oh, that's why I can smell booze. I thought it was me because I'm drinking." The old man walked around the house, still wearing his suit and it's already ten in the evening.

"Yeah, I had booze." I nodded.

"I was planning on telling your mother about the divorce and I want you to be there but I guess I'll try again tomorrow." He mouthed and I immediately know that's why they were waiting for me at dinner.

I'm not ready for this major family debacle to happen and I'm somehow glad that I came home late and my dad had to keep the surprise for a while longer. The only problem that I have was that I still have to face that sometime later.

"I'm going to head to my room." I mumbled excusing myself. My dad just ignored me as I walked away. By the time I got to my room, I unconsciously shut the door with such force creating a loud thudding sound. I sat on my knees and I didn't even realize there were tears about to cascade down on my cheeks.