Dancing In His Storm [BxB] √

23.10: The Storm

AMBROSE

A part of me was already expecting this but finding my real mother seemed to be even more difficult under every circumstances. There's only one thing to blame for it and that was all on fate. Fate was good at playing the 'hide and seek' card and I'm just one of its pitiful victim finding it hard to adjust and keep up with the harshness of the game. I went out to look for my real family for the whole day only to find nothing. I guess for a while I was satisfied that I did not raised my expectations so high that I might get burned by the conflagration. If I did raise my expectation to a cloud nine, there's no denying the harsh reality that I'm going to fall six feet below the ground. The fall would hurt like shit.

I'm beginning to ponder about what's going to happen tomorrow. I have already made my decision to not enter school and I'm going to resume what I have just started. I failed today, that's been the whole story of the day, and I guess I'm going to play the 'tomorrow's another day' card and gather all bits and pieces of hope that I could in order to find the strength and will to resume the journey. I did not found anything today but that doesn't mean the end of the world. Convincing myself was exhausting but I just have to because no one else would.

I'm alone again in this house of misery but that's everything that I need right now. The complete silence was more than what I needed to keep a clear mind, somehow. I know I haven't fully accepted everything that happened because of how fast and lined up they were. And I'm still currently feeling the hurt and anger and confusion all coalescing inside of me. Despite of that, I don't have the negative energy of the family drama that might just push me over the edge.

I staggered towards the fridge to get something to quench my thirst and that's when I saw my dad's note written on a piece of paper. Another first for my dad. He's been keeping a good score at doing a lot of firsts since he came home and it's quite beginning to take me aback. So far, him leaving a note was the most surprising of the first. It was just a small detail, not much of a big move but it's still the most bizarre.

I pulled the paper and it came off pretty easily from the ref magnet that kept it. I began reading the content and it was just his own mediocre attempt at making me feel better. The note says that he still loves me as his own son even after revealing the shocking truth of my own identity. He also added that he'll be fixing the divorce and that seemed to be the only feasible thing that I know. I scoffed in disbelief right after reading everything. There's some kind of duality in me. One part of me doesn't want to believe my dad and the reason behind was all because he had already failed to show his love more than I could ever recall. He had more chance to show his love, aside from just providing allowance and material stuff but he just ignored all of those chances. The other part of me was a bit hopeful that this time, my dad would stick true to his words. The part of me that's yearning for a father. The part of me that's famished for attention.

I went back to my room and saw the file that I left still laid idly on my bed. I reckoned I'm going to find something if I try to read everything again. Perhaps some kind of small and yet important detail that I missed. I flipped the folder open and began reading what's written on the papers. It's mostly documents about the transfer of custody and all of those legal stuff. There's no other useful information about Delilah aside from the address and the phone number that's not working anymore. I can't even find alternatives which was total bummer. The rest was just about me and shit. I began reading everything again until I realized that I'm not looking for anything. I ended up returning the file to the bunk knowing that I've searched for everything.

Time passed very quickly. I brought myself downstairs and began cooking for something to eat. My stomach's churning like hell. I left the television on while I was cooking and by the time I was finished cooking, I felt my phone buzz.