Dancing In His Storm [BxB] √

22.9: Love & Predicament

AUGUST

Coming out to Mary was definitely or more so, undoubtedly the best thing that happened to this miserable day. It was never the kind of coming out that I was expecting, however, I was more than glad and somehow relieved that I managed to let everything out with such ease. I was nervous for the most part; the nerves were tingling my spine but that's only because I'm having a nostalgic moment. When I first came out back when I was still in Highmont, I was trembling as hell. The nervousness that I felt earlier was just like small ant bites compared to the extremities that I felt the first time.

Mary was definitely the right to person for me to come out to and she took it very nicely so much to my expectation. And it's not because of the fact that she came out to me too, but it was just her good heart. She might be snarky sometimes, a bit sarcastic too but she really has a good heart. I felt a bit sorry for her that I have dropped bomb after bomb, almost a bombardment of confession and revelation that she was really bewildered and gagged all together. I'm more than thankful for having Mary as a friend. I regret that I left her and her gang for a taste of popularity and that's all on me.

By the time I got home, I went directly to my room. I sat down on my bed and stayed quiet for a few minutes. The loud silence had me pondering about the future. It's really hard to predict what's coming next when I'm chained and stuck in between all of these shenanigans. I know I can't blame anyone but myself. I'm the one who put myself in these ugly and miserable situation. I was the one who punched Ambrose in the first place. I was the one who jumpstarted that rivalry that gave me no other choice but to date Rachel for the so called protection and also fame.

It's very evident that I am beating myself up for everything but I know deserve all of these misery. This is what I get for being a social climber and naïve and just a horrible person in general. I haven't been the best at decision making and it's going to be my eventual downfall. I should really start thinking two, three or even ten times before doing something.

I let out a deep defeated sigh before eventually ushering myself downstairs to find something to drink. I saw some apple juice on the fridge and poured myself a whole glass. I grabbed a box of cookies and then ended up sitting alone at the couch. I turned on the television even well aware of the fact that I don't really want to watch something. Maybe I just want the reign of silence to end. I took a sip of apple juice and grabbed a cookie. I stared at the television almost unconsciously until my brains began thinking about Ambrose.

I haven't seen the guy this whole damn day and it was such a bummer. I'm really itching to talk to him. I have a lot of things to explain but now, I'm beginning to think that he's done with me. There's a sudden pang in my chest just. Ambrose's probably pissed off at me and I just can't take that. This was my one chance for love. Real love. I don't even know why I'm fucking this up.

I held my phone and opened my inbox. Ambrose haven't responded yet and it's killing me that he's ignoring all of my messages. I began typing a new message hoping that he'd respond.

ME: Hey, I haven't seen you at school today. I know you're ignoring me but I really missed you and I really want to talk to you in person. Please hit me up when you're ready to talk.

I stared idly at the words that I have just typed. I just feel like this thing that I have with Ambrose is slowly slipping out my hand. I pressed the send button and then pressed back only to see Rachel's name right below Ambrose's name. Rachel's not really reaching out to me and for now, I'm fine with it. I'm fine that she's pissed at me for not fucking her. I'm fine that she's ignoring my entire existence. This was probably the break that I needed. I would still be playing the straight guy at school but I'm more than free of that picture perfect straight boyfriend role. It's exhausting to be that person who's put in a box. It's not only that a lot of eyes are on me but I can't really be my true self even just for a moment.