Dancing In His Storm [BxB] √

CHAPTER 9.1: Torn & Conflicted

AMBROSE

Having to watch August eat dinner with his mom and dad made me feel like a piece of shit in every single way that I had never expected. I don't quite remember how it feels like to sit down in front of your mom and dad as they shove a spoonful of edible into their mouth and talk about small things. It would've been nice to hear them ask things about your daily life. The shed of tear I had was because I have never felt so alone in my life. I walked away from the window after realizing that I couldn't watch this scene anymore. This is the first time that I cried in how many years, and it felt awful that it had to be here and the reason had to be August. I am starting to reap a lot of different emotions. Loneliness is quite a generic feeling that I clearly recognize, but this one's quite unique, and the hue of sadness felt rather foreign in a strange way. I know how sadness feels, but this one makes me feel like I'm such a pitiful person.

I started walking, and I didn't realize the journey from August's house to where I parked my motorcycle was a good three miles. By the time I got home, I was burnt to exhaustion, not by the walking and riding trip but by the number of thoughts running around my mind. And it's not just that; I feel worn out by this mixture of feelings that I don't like.

I know I hated August for what he did, and that's just me being the short fuse and unreasonable person that I am. The anger that I have for him is just shallow, and I'm confident that I'll forget about it soon, but now I am feeling a particular type of jealousy from him. I tried shaking the thought of a complete and normal family having dinner together, but it was replaced by the constant gloom of loneliness. I don't quite get this dark forest that I am in. If I try to shake a certain feeling away, there's always another one to replace it.

I sat down on the couch and looked around at the apparent emptiness of this big ass house. I let out a loud scream, and it echoed throughout the hollowness, reminding me of the solitary state that I was in.

I ended up having cup noodles for dinner. This has always been my routine ever since my parents decided to live in Highmont without taking me with them. And I thought I was already used to this bullshit, but now it suddenly feels like it's a whole new feeling. I turned on the television without really trying to watch the current show. I just want to feel like someone's here with me. The sound of people talking on the television always makes me feel like someone else's inside the house.

Friday afternoon came, and I thought I'd visit school to see what was going on. Staying home alone isn't helping my sanity. This is the last day of my suspension, and I couldn't wait to enter school this coming Monday. I was more than surprised to see August emerging from Rachel's truck. The feeling of anger started to boil inside of me.

He walked towards the bicycle rack as I stood beside this tree and watched him with such animosity.

Why is August hanging out with Rachel?

Along with the question popping up inside my head is the exceeding feeling of jealousy and anger. He was dragging his bicycle when he turned his head and saw me looking right at him. I guess the intensity of my stare is enough to strike fear towards him as he moved quicker right after catching sight of me. He lifted his bicycle and placed it at the back of the truck before eventually climbing to the front seat.

Does this mean he's going to Rachel's karaoke night?

I don't understand this. No one gets invited to that party ever. I've been trying to ask Rachel out for years, and along with that, I have learned a lot of things about her. She doesn't invite anyone to their private karaoke night every Friday. She likes to keep her circle small. This isn't making any sense at all.

How did he even manage to get close to Rachel?

I was just gone for a few days, and that August guy is now hanging out with the girl that I love. This is fucking unfair. This is utter bullshit. I don't know how he did it, but I'm sure as hell that I'm not going to let him live his life with ease after this. I clenched my fist and watched them drive away until they were out of sight.