Dancing In His Storm [BxB] √

23.3: The Storm

AMBROSE

In my head, I was already trying to picture some things between me and August. I imagine myself still being out of words as always. I imagine him stepping onto his role of the interviewer and just be the one who keeps on making the conversation going. I imagine myself having to keep my cool with all of the kaleidoscope of butterflies fluttering back in forth in the pits of my stomach. I feel like August's the only person that I have right now and yet I don't have him by my side. The blame's all on me being the asshole who doesn't want to let him clarify and tell his side of the story. I was just thinking what's going to happen if I actually see him today. What would I tell him? What would he tell me? Am I going to apologize for ignoring him? Or will he apologize for betraying me?

The words that I typed seemed convincing. Moreover, I knew that August wants to talk to me so bad.

ME: Hey, I was wondering if we could meet today.

Staring at the message that I just typed in, I was already growing uncertain about pressing the send button until I felt something hard hit my feet. My attention was shifted away from my phone and I was already looking at the thing that hit my feet. It was a red Frisbee.

"Mom, the Frisbee flew to that guy's feet." I heard a little voice speak up and I saw Jessie's two little brother's pointing at my directions.

"Aw, baby, just go and get it." The mom replied without even trying to look at where the Frisbee went. She was kept busy by her phone.

"I'm scared." The little boy replied almost whimpering like a puppy.

"Baby, why you got to be scared? There's nothing to be scared about." The mom replied still looking at her phone.

"The guy looks like he's angry." The little boy uttered and I immediately got extra conscious by his statement. I know I'm angry at this world, I'm fucking pissed but I don't think it's even showing on my face.

"What?" Their mother's attention was stolen by me and I just had to force a fraudulent smile to let her know that I don't look angry or even scary to say the least. "Jessie, can you help your brother." She ordered completely ignoring me.

Jessie heard his mother and roamed his eyes to look for the Frisbee. He eventually saw me and I just noticed that he seemed very off today. It's not because he saw me, and I know he hates me just like everyone else, but there's just something different from him that I'm surprisingly noticing. He propped himself up and slowly walked towards where I was seated. I noticed the way he walked and he looked very different, almost stiffly different. Jessie doesn't walk like that at school. I've been going to the same high school with him for how many years and he walks like the hallway's a runway for him. He walks like he's on a pageant stage, oozing with such confidence and yet he was trying to control his body.

"Hey," Jessie spat the moment he got to me.

"Hey," I replied picking up the Frisbee from my feet. "That's your family?"

"Yeah," Jessie replied and this time, I noticed he was speaking so un-Jessie-like. I don't hang out with him but I still know how he speaks. He speaks so flamboyantly. I hate to say it but now, he's speaking very much like a straight person.

"Quick question," I said after I handed him the Frisbee. "Do I look angry to you?"

"Uhm, I don't know. You're always angry." He replied in a very deadpan manner, like the usual flavor in his tone was evidently nonexistent.

"What do you mean I'm always angry?" I followed up just to have a longer conversation with him.

"Sorry I cannot answer that. I have to go now." He spat ignoring my question and he's even avoiding eye contact. He left before I could even speak.

I stayed on my seat for a while and just observed Jessie and his family do their family thingy. It was not in my intention to watch them, I almost felt like an obsessed stalker, but I just have nothing else to do. I'm here to kill time for the day and I didn't think watching a complete family would be that interesting and painful at the very same time. Jessie's dad definitely looked like the strictest dad in the world. He does not smile a lot and seemed like he's still thinking about work. So much like my dad, except my dad still knows how to smile even if it's just a fake smile. Jessie's mom on the other hand was still busy looking at something on her phone while the two little kids were busy playing the Frisbee. I noticed how Jessie was trying his best not to snap a finger or be that flamboyant person that I know. He was sitting right beside the radio and the radio was playing this upbeat song that sounded like his jam. I can tell he's not having the best time mostly because I've seen him hang out with his circle of friends and I know how much he parties hard with them.

"Hey, Jason." Jessie's dad called out one of his brothers. "Didn't I tell you not to walk like that? You're not a girl." He uttered in this very stern tone. "Straighten up that body, young man." He added and I noticed how this Jason kid was quick to fix the way he was walking.

That felt like he's controlling his son and it somehow disgusted me. I hate to say this but I think Jessie's parents doesn't know that he's gay.

After some time, watching Jessie and his family became tiring. I sipped the last of my iced-tea and eventually decided to get out of this park. I moved towards where I parked my motorcycle and as I was about to hop on, I thought of going to the top of this mountain that August and I used to go to.

***

The breeze was brushing cool enough much to expectation and I was more than satisfied that I came here. The calmness and the tranquility was just everything that I needed, and even the clarity was here to help me think. I climbed up this rock formation and brought myself to the spot where I could sit perfectly. The town of Mary Heights looked pretty normal today and the sun was just shining its rays. I grabbed this can of beer that I bought on my here and began chugging. I took a full chug and had to tolerate the acid and the air that was forming in my throat. By the time I've had enough, I was quick to release this burp that felt extremely pleasurable. I pulled the bag of chips and just popped it open. I threw a mouthful and began crushing them. My eyes were just watching the town below. I thought I've forgotten about my current situation but I was wrong.

It's wild to think that I'm just adopted all this fucking time. For seventeen years, I really thought I was biologically born into that shitty family. I began to feel my chest go tighter as the thought continues to haunt my head. Maybe that's one of the reason why I looked a bit different from them. I never thought of that and that's because the difference wasn't that profound. My dad and my mom's skin were a bit lighter compared to my tan skin. I just thought that's mostly because I spent most of my childhood playing under the sun that I just became accidentally sun-tanned. I loved playing outside and even as I grew up, outdoors and playing basketball under the scorching heat was my life. I just remembered August's observation that I don't look like my brother and I thought that's only because we are on different ages and people change when they grow, turns out I was dead wrong. I eventually remembered that I don't actually look like Frederick when I was his age. That should be the red flag that I should've noticed. I never noticed all of that.

I took another chug of the beer and by the time it was empty, I crumpled the can with my fist. I propped myself up and walked towards the edge of the stone. I threw the crumpled can into the air and then kicked it into the open space. I felt the slight impact of the can hitting my feet but it was nothing compared to the pain that I'm currently feeling right now.

"FUUUUUUCK!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and my voice echoed throughout the open space. I stared into the open sky and I was already questioning my entire existence.

Why am I even brought into this world in the first place? Why would Gregory and Felicia adopt me when they don't even want me in the first place? Am I just a replacement for Frederick? I'm already anxious and I have a lot of questions that needs to be answered right away. They have kept this secret away from for so many years that I just can't believe it.

I moved a bit closer to the very edge of the rock. I looked down and thecliff was going down really deep with a few sharp formation of rocks that ifsomeone jumped down, there's a hundred percent guarantee that they will perishinto bits and pieces. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and thought ofjumping just to end all of this agony.