Easing The Pain

'Big Happy Family'

TW: arguing, slight homophobia, and slut shaming? (talking about clothes)
______________________________

I'm not sure where to even begin when it comes to telling people about my life. The truth just seems to harsh to face at times; so I lie. I lie my ass off. It's much better than facing the reality of my sad life. Don't get me wrong, I know it could be worse. It has been worse in fact and I know I shouldn't complain.

Nevertheless, it doesn't stop me from doing so in the solitude of my room. I often find myself wishing I had an 'easy' life like the other girls my age. I use that word lightly, because I know everyone has their own struggles. It just feels like my life is straight out of some Stephen King novel. That is most definitely an exaggeration, but still.

My mother, Shannon, she has some... issues you could say. We've had a rocky relationship but I love her to death. Even if I don't necessarily like her at times. The biggest divide between us is honestly her choice in men. They've all been different but the same in one way or another.

None of them treat her right and all of them piss me off. The one good thing that has come out of her current unstable relationship, is my little brother. He gets on my last fucking nerve but I would do anything for the little booger. After he was born my life changed drastically, more than I was prepared for.

I was jealous at first and I even feel that now sometimes. However, at the end of the day, I can't imagine what it'd be like without him around; nor do I want to. I didn't think it was possible to have so much love for one person. Often times, due to the way we were brought up, I find myself looking at him as my son.

We were frequently left alone together and I'd have to take care of him. My mom off to god knows where while his father galavanted around town. Despite that, I didn't grow a resentment towards him. Just further towards my mother actually. Though I was glad to know he'd be left in my care, as I'd never do anything to harm him.

I wanted him to have a better childhood than I did. I'm not sure I quite succeeded at that. Anyways, we're apparently going to a barbecue today and I'm anything but thrilled. It's for my mother's paternal side of the family, I can't stand them. Unfortunately, I don't really have a choice in the matter. Well that's not entirely true... I just don't want to deal with the consequences of saying no.

So I quickly get dressed in some of my finest clothes. I mean they can't talk shit if I'm this well-dressed right? As I exit my room to grab a water I'm met with my mother's long-term boyfriend, Harold. I put my head down and continue on my path to the fridge. To many this would appear to be out of fear, but it's actually the total opposite.

I can't take this man seriously for a multitude of reasons. Therefore, I chose to keep my mouth shut if I don't have anything nice or beneficial to say. Yet, as usual, he can't leave well enough alone. "So you can't speak all of a sudden?" he chuckles darkly causing me to grimace. You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

"Hi" I mutter, opening the fridge and retrieving my water. Attempting to promptly leave the kitchen and get away from him. "That's it?" he spats and I can feel my annoyance growing but I try to keep it under wraps. "How was your day?" Just. Keep. Calm. Alex. "Fine. Not that you care anyway" he scoffs. I will not get angry.

I open mouth to reply but he beats me to it. "You're going dressed in that?" he asks, his gaze raking over me with scrutiny written in them. "Is there a problem?" I snap, because what kind of question is that? "All I'm saying is that you should be careful. I mean we all know how you are" he grumbles.

"Excuse me?" I scoff, turning around to fully face him now. "You heard me" he quips, "how I am? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I exclaim, "watch your language, and your tone" he replies. "No cause how are you gonna say some shit like that and expect me NOT to get upset" I yell.

"I mean you dress like a slut, what kind of treatment do you expect?" He asks, a menacing smirk on his face. "A slut?! You've gotta be kidding me! I'm in fucking pants and a t-shirt" I scream. "Yeah, like a lesbian. Go on, just admit it" he snickers, "it's a fucking FAMILY function" I remind him.

"You're a lesbian?" my mother asks quietly as she enters the room. Harold just smirks and crosses his arms over his chest as he watches it unfold. "I-I never said that! He did. Didn't you hear him?!" I ask frantically, in hindsight it kinda gave me away. "I heard you yelling, and all the things you said to him" she answers.

Oh for fucks sake! "Oh my god... oh my GOD. You're taking his side?!" I yell, "lower your voice when you're talking to me" she replies. "So you're a lesbian..." she mutters before I can say anything else. "Does that even matter?! It's irrelevant!" I exclaim, trying to get her to see how I'm not in the wrong here.

"It is very relevant! In fact... I- we've been thinking about it for a while now..." she turns to look at Harold and I get this sinking feeling in the pit of me stomach. "See, me and your mom, we've been noticing you've been having a lot of problems lately" he speaks up, intentionally using that 'dad' voice I hate.

"You've been going off for no reason and... we're afraid you're gonna hurt somebody" she mumbles. "And we're afraid you're gonna hurt yourself" he chimes in, a false and mocking tone to his voice. "So we've decided it'd be in your best interest if we put you somewhere where you could get the help you need" my mom says.

"This was just—the last straw... I mean... lesbianism, Alexandra? I can't..." she utters, shaking her head and turning to Harold for comfort. He wraps his arms around her tightly and smirks at me over her head. I glare at him as I try to process what just happened. It all unraveled so quickly.

"I-I'm sorry... we decided? My best interest? How do you know what MY best interest is? What are you trying to say? I'm crazy?" I ramble, my head shaking as I truly can't believe what I've just heard. "I'm your mother, Alexandra! Gosh, can't you understand how hard this is for me?! You're so damn selfish!" she cries and grips onto Harold's shirt as I watch her.

"I'm selfish... how hard this is for you? What about me?! I'M the one being sent awa— you know what? Fine" I give up, turning around to pack my bags. At this point, anywhere is better than here. As soon as I'm done I walk out and hear my mother on the phone crying. "...yes...we won't be able to make it today...she had another—outburst...I know...it was hard, but I had too...yeah, I'll call you later" she says.

I roll my eyes and drag my suitcase to the front door. Standing by it and waiting while she pulls herself together. Just when I thought I was good to go, the door swings open. "ALEX" my little brother yells and I smile as my heart breaks. Lord only knows what they're going to tell him. This may very well be the last time I see him so happy to see me.

I hug him tight and pick him up, spinning him around a little just to hear him giggle. "Enough" his dad says and I put him down, I've never liked to argue with Harold in front of him. My mom does that enough and I want him to have a good image of at least one person in his life. Seems I've failed yet again at something. At least it's not my fault.

"We have to take your sister somewhere, you'll stay with grandma until we get back" Harold tells him and he pouts but nods. After he's grabbed his shoes we all head out to the car. Dropping him off first, I get out the car and walk him up to the house. Having to beg even for the 'privilege' of that.

"Oh hi sweetie" my grandma says, pulling me in for a hug so warm it brings tears to my eyes. She hasn't told her yet. I pull away and squeeze her arm gently, turning to give a hug to my brother one last time. "You be good for grandma, ok?" I instruct and he nods quickly, placing a kiss on my cheek.

"How long will you guys be gone?" He asks innocently and even though he's young, he's not dumb. "Mom and Dad will be back soon. I don't know how long I'll be gone" I admit, "oh... well be safe please! And bring me some candy" he giggles. "Will do" I chuckle, messing up his hair to which he runs off.

"You ok, baby? You act like you're going off to war" my grandma chuckles heartily. Feels like it. "I'm fine" I laugh, pulling her in for one more hug before quickly walking off. Not wanting either one of them to see me cry. Once I get back in the car I lay down on the backseat and turn my face towards it.

Tears silently falling down my face as the car moves further towards my unknown destination. They didn't even tell me where we're going or how long I'll be there... I hope the people are nice at least.