Easing The Pain

'Warm' Welcomes

I'm violently shaken awake from my sleep, accompanied with annoyed grumbles. I sigh as I open my eyes, grabbing his wrist harshly to stop him. "You little..." he raises his hand, "I. Dare. You" I seethe. He hesitated for a second as he looks in my eyes, eventually retracting his hand. After waking my mother, we get out the car and I'm met with a big white building.

Saint Lucia State Hospital. I was definitely expecting something more campy like 'happy trails' or some shit, but sure. At least the building looks pretty. I'm honestly glad they brought me to the hospital rather than sending me with a relative. I don't think I'd be able to handle more family given my current mental state.

The sun has already begun to set as Harold pushes the buzzer next to the door. They exchange a few words before the door clicks. He pulls the door open, allowing my mother to go in first. He goes in directly after and lets it go, apparently it's a heavy door since it closes right behind him.

I look up to see he actually pulled it closed and I roll my eyes. I decide to just forgo the whole thing and take a seat on the steps. I'll let them deal with the hassle; when it's time for me to come in, they'll get me. I look up at the sky, watching the orange fade to black and blue as the stars appear. I think about my brother and how miserable he must be right now.

It's boring at grandma's house and I know he hates it when I'm not there. A silent tear rolls down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away. "Alexandra Pierce? I'm Dolly" I hear someone call me, I turn to see a smiling blonde. She has a nice calm air around her and I stand up brushing off my pants. "Alex is fine" I mutter, "Alex it is" she chirps.

I produce a half-hearted smile and follow her inside as she leads the way. Eventually we come to two big double doors and she points. "Just through there" she says, only now do I realize she's chewing gum. The noise slightly irritating me, but I brush it off and smile at her. I shift on my feet nervously as I stare at the doors, not knowing what I'll find behind them.

"Dr. Hanover just needs to check with you first before your admittance. You know, routine and stuff, just a few questions" she explains and I nod feeling a bit better. She waves before practically skipping down the hall. If she can be so happy in a place like this, maybe it's not so bad. Then again, she's not a patient.

I knock before pushing in one of the doors, closing it softly behind me. "Ah, Alexandra. Please, take a seat" the man behind the desk says. I shudder a bit at the name as it's come to have a bad meaning to me. Only Harold and my mother call me that, or should I call her Shannon now? She's far from my mother at this point.

I take a seat and cross my legs, leaning back and folding my hands on my lap. "So... I've been informed that you've been having sapphic thoughts and ideations. Is that correct?" He asks, I personally think that's a loaded question. "Sure" I reply, "if you could, a yes or no would suffice Alexandra" he counters.

"It's Alex, and I said sure" I repeat and he just nods with a tight lipped smile. He asks me a few more questions before realizing I'm not going to cooperate. He sighs and turns to my parents, having them sign some papers. As soon as they're done, Harold asks to leave and they promptly do. I'm taken by Dolly to my room and she leaves soon after checking I'm 'ok'.

I sit on the bed staring at the wall, the realization of what's going on finally hitting me. I'm not afraid of being away from my mom, I'm thankful even. It's the fact that I was just practically thrown to the sharks. I don't know any of these people and I'm not even sure what they're going to do to me here.

I quickly unzip my suitcase, digging to the bottom and finding my little stuffed monkey. I know. I'm 19 and I still have a stuffed animal but who gives a fuck? It comforts me when I really need it. I lay with my back facing the door, much to my paranoia's disapproval. I curl up into a ball and hug Coco to my chest.

I shouldn't be here, I'm not sick! They're the ones who are sick, putting me in a place like this. My mother's got more problems worthy of being in here than me! Life really isn't fair, I guess. I drift off trying to convince myself this isn't real. That it's all a dream and I'll wake up in my bed. I know it's not true but... it helps me fall asleep.