Easing The Pain

Whoopsy Daisy

CW: therapy, cussing, child SA

I've been here for a few weeks now and have made no progress obviously. I don't know what they expect the outcome of all this trouble will be. I've mainly just been humoring them but I'm approaching my wits end. My patience is running thin and I feel like I'm about to snap.

"Alex" I hear as my door creaks open slowly. I glance up to see Huck standing in the doorframe and I smile at him as I stand. It's a little routine now that he'll come get me for therapy and walk me there. I decide to stay in my socks and we head to Hanover's office. Huck leaves me at the door and I enter alone.

When I get in, I go over to the chaise lounge and lay down. I turn my head only to see an unexpected guest. Mildred. I mean it could be worse, it could be my mother, but this is pretty bad too. Ever since that day outside, I haven't seen even a glimpse of her. Not at meals or in the common room, nowhere. Now, all of a sudden, she just drops in on my therapy session? The audacity.

I decide to ignore her and just turn to face the ceiling, closing my eyes. "Hi, Alex. How are you feeling today?" Hanover asks, "same as yesterday" I answer. "And that is..." he prompts, "like shit" I say. "Would you like to explain why?" He asks, "nope" I reply. "Ok... well let's talk about why you're here, how about that? You haven't been too talkative on that front" he states.

"What's there to talk about? My brother's dad is an asshole and my mother is a narcissistic cunt. They threw me in here and left me alone. They don't care, why should I?" I say, "it seems you care a lot, Alex" he replies and I sigh heavily. "No shit, Sherlock. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out" I quip.

"You seem defensive when it comes to your family. Any particular reason to that?" He asks. "You seem to ask me the same questions in a different format. Any particular reason for that?" I counter sarcastically. "Alex were not going to get anywhere if you don't cooperate. I just want to help you... in ALL areas" he utters.

"Yeah, ok" I scoff, "let's start with your mother. It seems you harbor a lot of resentment for her, could you tell me about that?" He asks. I think about it for a moment and decide to be truthful, I mean what have I got to lose at this point. "Where do I even start? Her choice in men—including my father—her inability to truly care for anyone besides herself..." I list.

"And why do you say that? That she doesn't care for anyone besides herself" he questions and I internally roll my eyes. "It's clear she doesn't. The most notable instance being when I was a child. She left me for some man she'd met and 'fallen in love' with. Granted, she left me with my grandma but it was still fucked up" I sigh.

"And your grandmother... you don't talk about her much. You seem to have a soft spot for her" he points out. "Yeah... she raised me while my mom fucked around doing whatever she wanted. My mom had me young, my age now actually, and so she wasn't really interested in caring for me" I recall. "So your grandma is very special to you" he presumes and I hum in agreement.

"So, if you could help me understand, why don't you talk about her? You appear to love her very much given the difference in the way you refer to her" her states and I sigh deeply. I debate on whether or not I should talk about it. I know this is good for me but, then again, I'm not sure I trust him. Fuck it.

"Well, you're right, it's complicated. My grandma is amazing, it's just that—due to circumstances she couldn't necessarily control—I didn't have the greatest childhood..." I mutter, "could you elaborate on that? I-if you're comfortable" he asks. "Nothing about this is 'comfortable' I hope you know that" I chuckle sarcastically.

"My grandma is best friends with this woman, I've known her my whole life. She has a son. He's three years older than me but—since we were relatively close in age—we would hang out while they were talking, drinking, whatever. Let's just say he... matured much faster than I did, and they didn't realize that" I explain.

The room is quiet for a minute and I don't dare to open my eyes. "And this maturing. What do you mean by that?" Hanover asked and I groan softly to myself. "He touched me and made me touch him" I say flatly, again the room falls silent. The only sound being very light breathing and the scratching of what I assume to be a pen against paper.

"And do you think that has affected you since then?" He asks, "care to elaborate?" I counter. I'm pretty sure I know exactly what he means but I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Considering I just divulged some very sensitive information; I don't wanna jump the gun and assume his intentions. "Maybe your sapphic leanings are a result of your fear of men due to the trauma you endured" he presumes.

I take a second to process what he's just said. Not because I believe it's true, it's my disbelief that he actually just said that. A few seconds pass where I try to give him a chance to correct himself. I open my eyes and turn my head to him to see he's staring right at me. Pen ready in hand to right down my next utterance.

"Fuck. You" I state, getting up to walk out of the room. I can't even comprehend why he would say something like that, especially directly after I'd told him. Aren't doctors supposed to help you? I don't say anything else for fear I'll get too angry and I hate seeing myself like that. As I exit the room I don't miss the look on Mildred's face.

She looks just as shocked as me, though I'm not sure why. I promptly leave the room and look both ways down the hall. I can hear a pretty heated conversation going on in the office I just left. Part of me wants to eavesdrop but a bigger part just wants to get the hell away. So that's what I do.

I briskly walk to the front of the building and go up to Dolly. "Outside" is all I say and she goes to protest until she sees my face. "Ok, one second" she says putting up her finger and picking up the phone. I just go stand near the door and wait for her. Huck comes jogging down the hallway and his head darts to me.

He comes up next to me and opens the door letting me go out. I nod my head and exit, taking a seat in the same place I did last time. Huck stands on the opposite side of the door, a pretty good distance away from me. I bring my knees to my chest and softly rock myself back and forth. I fucking hate it here.