Easing The Pain

You're Safe With Me

I wake up the next day and stretch, feeling a slight pain in my back. I get up to walk it off as I grab the bag from my nightstand and blindly make my way to the bathroom. I brush my teeth and all that jazz before heading back to my room. I change out of my pajamas into more appropriate clothes before heading towards the main room.

It's unusually quiet for me; I'm not used to not being surrounded by constant chaos. I know Mildred is the quiet type but it's even quiet for her. I glance around seeing she's not in the living room or the kitchen. I look in the backyard but she's not there either, I guess she could still be sleeping. I look in the fridge but there's nothing in there yet since we probably need to go shopping.

I should probably start looking for jobs to help out. I groan to myself and sit out by the pool for a while. Soaking up the sun and allowing the warmth to calm my thoughts. After a while I head back inside and go to check on her since I know she likes to rise early. I assume she's sleeping in but I feel like she'd want me to wake her.

I knock lightly on her door not wanting to startle her. "Mildred" I mutter softly, not getting a response back. I slowly open up the door and call for her again but still nothing. I fully open it only to see her bed made, her room is completely spotless. She left you. No she didn't. Then where is she, dumbass?

I close the door not wanting to snoop through her things and head back to my own room. It's not like I have any way of contacting her. She wouldn't just leave me though, I'm certain of it. Are you? I am. As I begin to spiral, I hear the door open and dashed to see who it was before my fear could kick in.

When I saw it was her and I just run to her and hug her really right. I don't feel her arms wrap around me but I still squeeze her before letting go. "What's wrong?" she asks, setting the bags in her hand down and wiping the tears on my face. I didn't even realize I had been crying. "Nothing" I sniffle, wiping the rest myself and grabbing the bags off the floor.

I carry them in to the kitchen and set them on the big island. Starting to pull the cold things out first so I can put them away. "Alex" she states, I don't look at her face but I can tell by her tone that she has that stern look on. I don't reply, I just start packing the things into the fridge. "Alexandra" she says and I stop in my tracks momentarily.

I go faster at putting the things away before I feel her hand on my arm. I turn to look at her and she furrows her eyebrows in confusion. "Tell me" she states firmly, "I- I thought—just for a second—that you left me..." I mumble. She doesn't reply verbally, just pulls me into her arms and holds me tightly.

After a few moments of silence, my breathing finally evening out, she speaks. "Alex... how many times do I have to tell you that I'm not going anywhere? I will never leave you" she promises, "but you have..." I reply without thinking. It's quiet between us for a while, she still refuses to let me go.

"That's different" she finally utters, her tone dropping with the statement. "How is it different?" I ask, "I don't want to do this with you right now" she sighs. "Then when? And do what? Look... I'm very VERY grateful for you and everything you've done for me. I just wants answers—because you confuse me sometimes. It's like I understand you but at the same time... I don't" I explain.

"Here" she says handing me a bag, I open it and see two bathing suits. "I didn't know which one you'd like more so I got both" she states, "thank you but please don't just ignore what I said" I voice. "Can you just drop it? I don't want to talk about it, Alex" she says, I stare at her for a few seconds before dropping my gaze.

Without a word I just walk away and to my room, assuming she needs space. I look at the bathing suits and they're both cute. One is a two-piece and the other is a one-piece. They're both very cute and I think I'll just get in the pool now. It'll keep me out the house and give me time to think. I slip on the two-piece and grab one of the few books out my bag.

I walk out into the main room, seeing everything is now off the counters. I quietly make my way outside, not wanting to alert her in anyway. I go to the smaller portion of the pool which I assume is a hot tub but it's not on so it's quite cold. I ease myself down onto the little bench and lean my back against the wall.

I open up my book and begin to read, letting my mind drift into the fantasy world. When I look up, I notice that the sun is going down and I prepare myself to get out. The feeling of dread at having to enter the house feels very familiar and I don't like it. I suck it up and pull myself out, wrapping a towel around me.

I dry myself off the best that I can before entering the house and beelining for my room without looking around. I make it there and strip out my bathing suit, grabbing clothes and taking a shower. I come back in my room fully dressed and I sigh as I sit on the bed. As I'm applying lotion there's a knock on my door.

"Come in" I utter softly, the door slightly creaks as she pushes it open. I glance up at her to see her eyes are slightly red especially around the edges. She gives me a weak smile and I pat the space next to me on the bed. She closes the door, out of habit I assume, and hesitantly takes a seat. I finish putting on my lotion before setting it aside and turning to face her.

"It seems like I'm having to apologize for a lot recently. I'm sorry for that and... for making you feel bad" she mutters as she plays with her hands in her lap. "I'm sorry that I'm incapable of being... normal. I've just really never done this before, I've never had... friends" she admits shakily.

"Hey... you are normal. Even if you weren't, what is 'normal' anyway? I mean you think I'm alright, yes?" I ask, "more than alright" she whispers. "See... and everyone else thinks I'm weird. So maybe being normal isn't as fun as it seems, you know. I think you're cool and—since we'll be spending a lot of time together—maybe that's what's most important; what we think about each other" I voice.

"I think this was a mistake, Alex..." she mumbles and I take a deep breath to keep calm. "What was a mistake?" I ask cautiously, "me bringing you here. Not helping you escape but... I should've thought about it more. I'm not good for you, Alex..." she says. I can hear her breath bitch as she tries to stop herself from crying and it breaks me heart.

"Well I say, you don't know what's 'good' for me" I counter and she looks up at me with furrowed eyebrows. "That's right. I've been happier with you than I have been my whole life and- and there's no place I'd rather be" I state. "You don't understand" she argues, "I do. You're complicated... but so am I" I smile sadly.

"Alex..." she mumbles as tears fill her eyes, "come here" I whisper as I open my arms. Moving back farther on the bed so we have more space. She scoots closer and allows me to wrap my arms around her shoulders. She places her head on my chest and grips my side gently as she cries. "It's ok... you're safe with me" I whisper in her ear as I close my eyes.

I'm not sure when she fell asleep, I wasn't paying much attention. As soon as I realized she hadn't spoken in a while, I looked down to see her relaxed face. It brought a smile to my own as I had never seen her so at peace. I close my own eyes and let myself drift off, hoping for a better tomorrow.