Easing The Pain

A Breath of Fresh Air

the next day

I exit my room for the first time in days and just start wandering around. Mildred had left the cream for me to apply and I've been using it whenever my skin felt dry. It's almost back to normal now, meaning it doesn't hurt anymore. I find myself in the common room and I glance around nervously.

I'm really not too good with people and here is no different. Some of them have tried to talk to me the few times I've been out here but I've just politely brushed them off. I've only managed to click with one person, we're the only ones that are close in age. I walk over and sit on the couch next to him.

"Hey Peter" I utter quietly, trying not to scare him. His head snaps over to me and he smiles softly. "Hey Alex" he mumbles, not quite making eye contact with me. See Peter is here because he daydreams 'too much'. I honestly think there's something in his head he's trying to escape. I daydream a lot too but I've learned to only do it when I'm alone.

Everyone typically avoids him, they think he's incapable of holding conversation. Figuring he's just in his head all the time anyway. Peter is actually quite smart and he's pretty funny too. He's the only person I can stand in this wretched place. Except for Mildred, of course, but I haven't seen her since she left my room that day.

"I see you're out of your room today" he mumbles, he always talks really quietly for some reason. "Yeah... change of scenery" I shrug and he nods slowly. "I think your nurse friend has been looking for you" he chuckles lightly, "who?" I ask turning towards him. "Nurse... the uh- redhead" he stutters, "oh..." I reply softly.

"What? You don't like her or something?" He asks curiously, "it's not that... I just don't think she was looking for me" I answer. "Ahh ok" he replies, "wanna play checkers? I'm bored" I say trying to find something to distract myself. He agrees and we go over to the table in the corner and start playing.

My mind begins to drift as we play, thoughts of Mildred clouding my mind. Why is she acting so weird? I can't help but to think that she's avoiding me. The only plausible reason coming to mind is that it's because I'm a lesbian. Why else would she? We finish our game and I can tell he's not up for playing anymore, neither am I.

I say goodbye and get up, walking out of the room. I'm not ready to go back to my room yet either but there's not many options. I get a sudden idea and go with it, heading towards the nurse's station. I lean against the counter on my elbows and look over it a bit. "Oh hey, Alex" Dolly chirps with a smile on her face to which I return.

"Hey! I was wondering if I could go outside...? I just want some fresh air and sunlight" I ask and she looks around a bit. "Sure, I don't see why not" she says, "I'll just need to supervise you of course" she adds. I nod in agreement and she writes a little note before we head outside.

I take a seat on the steps and she stands, leaning against the wall. She doesn't really seem interested in watching me, I think it's just protocol. I bring my knees up to my chest and rest my head on them as I look out on the field. I hate it here more than I expected and I'm not just talking about the treatments.

This whole thing—if you could even call it that—is confusing me. She was overly sweet to me after the hydrotherapy, I mean yes, that's her job but that's not the point. There were things she did that were completely unnecessary but she did them anyway. Now she's avoiding me? It doesn't make any sense.

"Shit" I hear, I turn to Dolly and see her holding a pager. "What's wrong?" I ask softly, "uhhh patient things... I have to get it" she grimaces apologetically. "Oh ok. Can I stay out a little longer?" I ask hopefully and she stares at me before glancing at the pager which is beeping frantically again.

"Yeah—yeah. Just... you know... don't run or anything, please" she pleads, "promise" I salute jokingly. She giggled and nods, quickly heading inside. It'd be useless for me to run, I mean where would I even go? Besides, I can't leave all my clothes and Coco. I don't even have any money and I can't go back to my parents, obviously.

I stare off into space, not really thinking about anything in particular. I hear the door swing open, smacking against the stopper. My head snaps in that direction and I see Mildred. Still looking as radiant as the day I last saw her, but of course she does, it hasn't been that long anyway.

Her head whips to me and she sighs closing her eyes. I turn away from her and rest my head back on my knees. "You're not supposed to be outside without supervision. Come in" she orders, "I want to stay outside" I reply simply. "Ms. Pierce, I can't let you do that" she counters firmly.

Ms. Pierce.... "I need the vitamin D" I argue, "if you need vitamins, I'll tell Dr. Hanover and he can prescribe them to you" she replies. "It's your job to make sure I'm happy. This makes me happy" I state, not even for a second thinking of backing down. "It's my job to make sure you're safe. You're not safe out here alone" she asserts.

"And why's that, hm? You think I'm gonna run or something? I've been out here for at least ten minutes and you see my ass is still planted to this step. So what is it really? Protocol? Think I'll find a woman and fuck her out here?" I rant, keeping my eyes fixed on the distant line of trees. I only look up when I hear the silence, seeing Mildred looking bewildered.

Her face goes cold as she notices me looking and she straightens her posture. "Come inside. Now" she demands and I no longer have the care or energy to fight her. I stand up and she unlocks the door allowing me to go inside first. I head directly to my room and lay down, deciding I'll just head to sleep.