Easing The Pain

Lightening The Load

I rub my eyes as I walk into the kitchen, stumbling slightly in the dim light of the moon. For some mysterious reason, my mind wouldn't let me sleep tonight. Every time I did, I had a nightmare or I would just randomly wake up 15 minutes later. I didn't want to wake Mildred so I just slipped out the bed quietly.

I check the time to see it's 4:57 am and I groan softly. I slip outside, pulling my robe closer to my body as a chill runs through me. I sit on a chair next to the pool and lay back watching the stars. It dawns on me that I have no idea what I want to do with my life. No clear direction to where I want to go.

As my mind wanders and I start to experience some dark thoughts, I think it best to busy myself. I stand up and head back inside, checking the time once more. 5:45 am. Goodness I sat out there for almost an hour, time really flies in my head. Since it's close to the time she wakes up, I decide to cook breakfast for her.

I pull out the needed ingredients and start making it. I mix the pancakes, hoping I don't do too much. I start on the bacon and as the pancakes are cooking, I do the eggs. Time seemed to move really slow in my head but by the time I glance at the clock again, it's 6:15. As I'm set to turn everything off I feel arms wrap around my waist.

I panic until I smell her and my body instantly relaxes. "Did I scare you?" she asks softly, her face in the crook of my neck. "Only a little" I answer, turning off the stove before spinning around to face her. I wrap my arms around her waist and rest my head on her chest, listening to her calm heartbeat.

"Oh, you made breakfast" she mutters, "mhm" I reply. "How long have you been up?" she asks, "only an hour or two" I say as I pull away. "Why didn't you wake me?" she pouts, "no use in us both being awake" I shrug and she shakes her head. "I could've kept you company at least" she mumbles as we bring the food over to the table.

We sit after grabbing plates and I start placing food on mine. "I'd feel bad for making you lose sleep, you know? It's not your problem to deal with my brain" I mutter absently, "Alex" she states making me look at her. "Yeah?" I ask confused, "you're right. It isn't my problem" she sighs after a moment and I glance away for a moment.

"Because you are not a 'problem' to me. I don't care if I have to stay up with you all night. I want you to know that you are not alone when you're with me. I want to be there, Alex. It's not a bother for me, or a nuisance... I care about you. I need to know that you understand that" she voices clearly and I freeze.

"Ok" I mumble as I start to eat my food quietly, "ok?" she echos confused. "I don't really know what to say to that" I admit, "well... how does it make you feel?" she asks. "I'm not sure. I'm conflicted" I answer honestly and I hear her hum, not seeing her face as I'm scared to look up. I hear her sigh before utensils scrape against the platters.

"Millie I- this is very different for me. I'm not used to having help or... asking for it. It just feels like an inconvenience to everyone else and-" "I'm not 'everyone else', Alex" she interjects. I put my fork down and sigh as I stare at my plate. "Mildred... what makes you different?" I ask bluntly, finally raising my head to see her face.

She stops and meets my eyes, shock swimming behind her own. "Are you serious?" she asks softly, "I need you to answer" I borderline beg her. It's silent for a long while, only the sounds of the AC and birds chirping outside. "The difference is—the difference is that I love you, Alex" she whispers.

I stare at her, my breath caught in my throat as I replay what she said in my mind. I expect her to run away though maybe that's why I want to do. "S-sometimes love isn't enough" I mumble and she shakes her head with a soft smile. I watch as she gets up and comes to sit beside me, taking my hands in her own so I turn to face her.

"Someone once told me, that as long as two people make each other happy... everything will fall into place. Now whether you love me or not, is not important right now. What I need you to understand is that—you matter to me. A lot. And I will keep telling you that, until you believe it. You're right, sometimes love isn't enough. But in this case... I'm willing to bet that I will be" she says.

"Hold me please" I ask quietly and she pulls me up to sit in her lap, wrapping her arms right around my waist. I lay my head on her chest and she rests hers on top of mine. "I love you, Alex. I'm not quite sure where that leads to, but I'm more than ready to find out. We all have our struggles, me included, but that's what we have each other for. Right? To ease the pain... to hopefully cure it" she mutters.

"I love you too" I whisper as I hold onto her and I feel a kiss on the top of my head. "I get scared sometimes too... that you'll leave, or decide that you made a mistake. But I choose to believe you, when you tell me you won't. That's hard for me, to just... blindly trust. Yet I do, because you make me feel like I'm flying; better than I ever have in my whole life. So I'm going to enjoy every minute I have with you, even if it's not forever" she whispers in my ear.

"I want this... forever" I state as I pull back to look at her, "so do I" she smiles. I smile widely and lean in to place a kiss on her lips, getting a bit carried away. "B-baby..." she whispers against my lips, "mm, yes?" I ask while reluctantly pulling away. "Our food is cold" she giggles, "we can always heat it up" I remind her as I push hair behind her ear.

"Fair point" she agrees, "you make all my dark and cold days, warm again" I tell her. "And you do the same for me. I've never been so happy except for when I'm with you" she confesses. "I love you, Millie" I whisper as I lean closer to her, "I love you more" she mumbles as she presses her lips against my own. "Impossible" I say absently as my body feels like it floats on her lap.