Sinfully Angelic

Chapter 33

33 : unwhelved secrets

Sa lahat ng mga sikreto kong pwede nilang malaman, iyon pa?

"What the hell are you talking about?" naguguluhang tanong ni Yvan. "Will you stop bothering Emi?"

"Then tell us the truth, Emi. Is that true?" nakataas ang kilay na usisa ni Cairren.

"Are you really a murderer?" Sharmie even spat in disgust.

Murderer. That word rung in my ear like a bell. The air got lost in my lungs and I gasped.

For the third time in my life, I wished for death again. God, kill me, I wanted to scream it.

I want to die now. Not three months after. Now! I begged in my head.

I simply wanted to die in peace without having everyone to know about the darkest part of me. Wasn't dying enough? Wasn't all those years of suffering enough for me to atone for my sins? I had concealed it for years. Did they really have to know? Specifically now in my last days?

I could have buried it with me and they would have thought that I was the sweetest girl they had ever met.

Murderer.

As Sharmie's words rang in my ear, repeating the question in my head like a broken record, I gradually felt a switch. Ramdam ko ang panginginig ng aking mga kalamnan. No, not solely from fear anymore of being caught red handed. They were from the mixed emotions I felt.

Perhaps, it was the anger that had built up in my system. The anger that I had been trying to suppress my entire life.

It was the same question I had heard from my once trusted relatives. Ganitong ganito rin iyon. My family from my mother's side accused me of being a murderer. No, everybody blamed me for my mother's death.

Damn it. I had completely lowered my guard. Fuck. I thought everything was going fine. I thought I could bring that sin to the grave with me. Three months left 'till my death and it had to come out and end me like that.

I thought I could die joyfully, wearing the innocent, sweet mask I'd been wearing like a demon in an angel's clothing. But they had to dig into my past and wake the devil in me. Everything came back.

Maybe I wasn't meant to be fully unchained to my nightmares. Maybe I would forever be the unforgiven rebel.

I gulped what congested my throat. "At saan niyo naman nakuha ang balitang 'yan?" Only one person knew about that story.

"From someone close to you, who else?" sagot ni Cair at taas-babang tinignan ako.

Someone close to me? Isa lang ang taong pumasok sa aking isipan. Nanlambot ako sa aking naisip. But why would he disclose that?

"Correctional nurse ang tatay ni Cairren sa Brookfield kung nakakalimutan mo?" sabat ni Jenise, nakaekis ang magkabilang braso sa kaniyang dibdib. "Sino pa nga ba ang nagkalat ng impormasyong 'to? Edi si Tita Natania!" And she laughed like how Natania laughed—like a mad woman. And it made the blood in my veins boil.

The puzzled expression on my face couldn't be explained. Somehow when I heard her name, relief blanketed my heart. But doubting someone else made me disappointed in myself too. "Natania? Teka, wala akong naiintindihan."

"Wag ka nang magmaang-maangan pa, Emi! What the hell is your problem with your mothers? Do you really loathe them to an extent that you had to make your stepmother go to prison?" Cairren seemed to be carried away by her emotions that she showed her ugly colors in front of her biggest crush. Her eyes popped wide, the veins on her forehead and neck began to protrude with an obvious intent of pushing me down the dirt.