Better Off Dead

Chapter Sixteen: You Will Find Peace

A last look at a nostalgic location ended up being more pleasant than I thought it would. Completely positive. Absolutely nothing bad. I had some time to kill, so I left the others and went on an adventure of my own.

When you feel like you're never going to see your hometown again, it gets you thinking about where your best memories were. The places you want to visit just once more, even if it isn't good for you because this is your last opportunity. That's why I ventured into town to go to Lucy's Cafe. I wanted to revisit a place where I have great memories of getting hot chocolate with my family.

There's a moment when you revisit a childhood haunt when you realize that not only has it been fifteen years since you saw the place, but you're now looking at it with the eyes of an adult. It used to be a cozy but not pristine little space, full of table decorations and pictures on the walls and that 2000's architecture. Now it was a modern, renovated, sleek space that looked nothing like what I remember.

Oddly enough, I liked the new version better and I had no idea why. Maybe I just started thinking about how much dust must have been hiding on all of those picture frames. And how tough it is to clean furniture with a lot of grooves in it. Because for some reason you think about these things once you grow up. Like there's some widespread superpower of seeing all the places dust and grime could possibly be hiding.

If you get to pick out your superpowers, definitely skip that one. You'll never see the world the same way.

When I got there, my disguise wasn't fooling Lucy. She was a family not-exactly-friend-but-you-grew-up-knowing-them kind of person, and she still liked me okay, which was great. But personal opinion isn't the only factor when it comes to who you allow in your place of business.

She held up a hand to stop me once I reached the counter. "You can't be here. You'll upset the others."

"So I look scary. It's not like I hurt people."

"You put You Know Who in the hospital." She said gently. It wasn't a judgment, which I appreciated, but an explanation of why it was not acceptable for me to be noticed by the half dozen customers in the cafe.

"Well...Technically... I did do that, yes."

She gave me a smile that was somehow both reassuring and embarrassing. "Tell you what. Go around to the back door, I'll be with you in a minute."

I nodded. Not the dream, obviously, but I appreciated it. I took a long look at the cafe and walked outside. A couple minutes later Lucy met me behind the building and gave me a hot chocolate. In a real mug. A 'for here and not to go' mug. "It's on me."

"Thanks." I took a sip. Just the way it had always been. Looking back at growing up there were plenty of bad times, but there were some really great moments too. Lucy's hot chocolate reminded me of those. It's funny how we all have some foods that spark those memories and feelings. It's good to make use of that. Anything to make life more bearable for however much longer you have to bear it. Which hopefully isn't too long.

For me, anyway. Other people can live long and happy lives and whatever the hell else people who haven't been mutated by science do.

"Pretty bold to come here. You're leaving, aren't you?" Maybe it was the decades of making beverages and listening to people talk, but Lucy had an incredible intuition. She could always tell if something was going on.

She smiled at me. "I was hoping you'd set out on your own and find somewhere that suits you. Start a new life. You're too big for this little town anyway."

I took a big sip of hot chocolate to give my face a moment to take on the appropriate visage for the conversation. "Yeah. Exactly. I'm going away. Pretty exciting." Unlike good news such as going back to school or getting married, people just don't get real excited for you if you tell them you're going to kill yourself. So I left that part out.

She spent a few minutes chatting with me behind the shop, all about going new places and I loved her enthusiasm and positivity. She really, truly thought that I could pick up and move somewhere and be happy. Such a sweet lady.

I said goodbye to her for the last time, and she assured me that I would find peace. I 100% agreed.