Paradise - Jenna Ortega Imagines

one last time (t.c)

everything's been different since you shut me out. since you shut everyone out. i get why you did. i completely destroyed you at your lowest, and you had every right to ghost me.

i know I should've been there for you, and I'm sorry I never saw the signs sooner. i feel like I failed you, and I know you would never forgive me.

i was terrible for you, and I know that now. im sorry for being so fixated over chad. i know now that I should've been better.

and I know that you've got everything you could've ever dreamed of, or ever wanted now. but now I've got nothing here now that you've left me.

i just wish that we could go back in time and do everything we used to do one last time.

i just wanna take you on another cute date. the ones that were super simple and cheesy. the ones that would end in cute little kisses before I would drop you off at your apartment.

i miss the ones where you took me, too. i loved when our relationship was a secret to everyone else, and it was only us. Sam wasn't involved, Mindy wasn't involved, none of our friends or family knew. it was just us.

at this point I don't care who you're with now, and I hope you don't give a rats ass about chad anymore. he's just the rebound guy, trust me. no strings attached.

i just want to cuddle with you. i wanna kiss you until you wake up. i wanna be in your bed, super clammy since we haven't let go of each other all night long.

i wanna wear your sweater, and I wanna steal tons more too. i miss when we wore each others clothes. it was really special to me, you would never even know.

i loved how when I took home a hoodie, it would smell like you for weeks. if I ever went on vacation, I'd be sure to pack that along so a part of you is still with me.

when my whole world went to shit (again), you were there for me. you literally protected me from our psychotic friends that tried to kill us both.

i never deserved you. you were so good to me when we were together. I know that I could've been a douchebag at times, but that never meant I didn't love you.

im sorry about everything. it was all my fault and I could never feel more guilty.

i know I've been a super bad girlfriend to you, but I just wish we could've gotten a proper final goodbye together.

an argument that ended things for good is what killed me. all those stabs didn't, but that did.

i just wish we had ended things on a better note instead of it ending so negatively. but I do understand why you lashed out on me, I did deserve that.

I never wanted to hurt you, just know that, please. i love you so much I would never do anything to do so.

I was going to do something, but it would've been too much to ask for. initially, I wanted to contact you, get in touch again after everything to maybe win you back.

it's selfish, I know. i know that now. you never deserved me, y/n. you deserved someone better. i was a shitty girlfriend. im not looking for your pity, im just finally coming to a realization.

unfortunately it took me months in order to reach this point in my grief.

again, I just wish you would have at least taken me with you. you live so far away now, it's hard to not think of you since you've left.

just a little bonus for you: I've kept your picture practically everywhere. My lockscreen is a picture of us on the beach. my bookmark is a photo strip of us. i have a picture of our friend group beside my lamp. im hugging you close in that one.

after all, i get it. you hate me and you didn't want to be around someone who's constantly a target for ghostface murders. I get it. I'd do the same thing if I were in your shoes: getting as far away from me as possible.

maybe if I executed things better, you would've been fine. maybe if I hadn't gone off with chad after you were at your lowest, you would've been fine.

maybe now you'd still be here if you tried to fight and defend yourself better. i tried so hard to do what I could to save you, and it didn't work.

they got you, im sorry. and I'm sorry that it ended for you right after we fought. trust me, i didn't want you to leave. i was just upset.

and maybe since I put such a negative impact on you, you didn't even fight anymore. you were alright with them taking you.

i haven't stepped in my apartment since then. I couldn't shake the thought of seeing your blood stains on the floor, and your body just laying there, unconscious.

i tried gaslighting myself into thinking you were just sleeping, but it wasn't working. as soon as the ghostface disappeared, the ambulance and police had arrived. but they were too late to save you.

that's why, when I look at your picture and think about how far you've traveled without me, I'll sob. Not only because of the distance, but because the amount of time it will take for me to reach you again.

I still wear your hoodie, it helps me sleep at night. It reminds me of all the fun times we had together. Thank you for that. I realize now that I took advantage of those good moments, and I let them slip away from me.

I miss you so much, y/n.

If I could just hold you, one last time, I promise after that, I'll let you go.

***

A/N
bye idk wtf this is💀

it's super short and that pisses me off

idk if it makes sense or not but whateva

anyways hope u guys enjoyed this angst imagine!!!