Love unfolding

Am I lost?

1999

Thursday August 19th

I sat alone in our courtyard trying to get a bit of drawing done, but I can't focus, my head is filled with a million thoughts. Lately I've been getting lost in thought a lot, and I don't seem to get anything done, not even drawing, or reading, which is both things I love to do. Multiple times just this week I've burned our food while cooking as my mind has been all foggy. I dont think I can describe it any better, but I feel differnt. I just turned nineteen, and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I know I want to teach art, but McGonagall hasn't reached out to me yet, and term starts next month. Ginny has gotten her letter for try-outs to the Holyhead Harpies, so she's been excited about that. Hermione has a job interview coming up, and I know she is going to get the job, and both Harry and Ron have stuff to do. I just feel so alone, and so lost. I just don't know what to do, what if I am lost? How do I get out of it, what should I do with my life?

I drop the paintbrush in chock, and Ginny lays her arms around me, kisses my cheek and says: "Hey, love. Ready for our date?" she asked with a smile.

My heart skipped a beat at the sight of Ginny's smiling face. I managed to put on a small smile in return, but it was merely a facade, masking the turmoil inside me.

"Oh, Ginny, I'm so sorry. I completely forgot about our date. My mind has been all over the place," I confessed, feeling guilty for being so absent-minded.

Ginny's reaction surprised me. She simply sat down beside me on the bench, intertwining our fingers, and said, "It's alright, Harlow. We all have those moments. But I thought we could go to that charming little wizarding café you mentioned a while ago. It's not too late, and it'll be nice to have some time together."

Her understanding only made me feel worse. I wanted to be fully present with Ginny, to cherish every moment, but my thoughts were like wild horses, pulling me in all directions.

As we walked to the café, Ginny tried to engage me in light-hearted conversation, but it was as if her words were lost in the wind. I nodded and responded absentmindedly, all the while trapped in the maze of my thoughts.

Once inside the cozy café, I hoped the warm ambiance and the delicious aroma of potions would help me focus on the present. I wanted to be fully with Ginny, to enjoy our time together, but the uncertainty of the future loomed like a dark cloud.

--

Later, back at our apartment, Ginny seemed content, humming a soft tune while puttering around the kitchen. I managed to maintain a facade of normalcy, not wanting to burden her with my internal struggles. But Hermione, with her keen intuition as an older sister, noticed the strain on my face and pulled me aside.

"Harlow, is everything alright? You seemed preoccupied all evening," she asked with concern.

I hesitated for a moment, but the weight of my worries was too much to bear alone. I needed someone to confide in, someone who would understand.

"I've been thinking a lot about the future, Hermione. About Ginny and me, and where life will take us. It's overwhelming, and I'm not sure if we'll be able to make it work with all our dreams and ambitions," I admitted, my voice tinged with vulnerability: "And I feel lost, you all seem so put together, and here I am, having no idea what I want to do if McGonagall doesnt reach out."

Hermione's comforting touch felt like a lifeline, and I poured my heart out to her, sharing the tangled web of fears and doubts that had been haunting me.

"It's completely normal to have doubts, Harlow. But don't let fear cloud your judgment. You and Ginny have a strong bond, and love can conquer many obstacles. Have you talked to Ginny about your concerns?" she offered, her voice full of sisterly love.

I shook my head, feeling a mix of guilt and uncertainty.

"Not yet. I don't want to burden her with my worries," I replied honestly.

Hermione offered a reassuring smile, her eyes filled with understanding.

"Sometimes, sharing your fears can strengthen a relationship. Ginny loves you deeply, and she deserves to know what's on your mind. Trust her, Harlow," she advised gently.

--

Taking Hermione's advice to heart, I decided to talk to Ginny later that night. As we settled into our bed, I took a deep breath, mustering the courage to open up and reveal the thoughts that had been consuming me.

"Ginny, there's something I need to talk to you about," I said, my voice filled with vulnerability.

Ginny turned to face me, her eyes warm and attentive.

"Of course, love. What's on your mind?" she asked, her concern evident.

As I began to speak, the weight of my worries seemed to lift slightly, knowing that Ginny was there to listen, to support, and to face whatever the future held together.

My mind is still all over the place even after I have talked with Ginny, but having her understanding helped a lot, but I think I might pick up poetry again, it helped me a lot in my first year with my thoughts and I'm sure it will help me again if I just take the time to focus on myself. 

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Puplished: 25-07-23