KODIGO

6

Kael's POV

Hindi tumigil sa pagpatak ang mga luha ko hanngat hindi ko nararamdaman ang pagod sa mga mata. I was about to sleep the worries and problems away ng biglang tumunog ang phone ko. My vision is too blurry kaya pinusanan ko muna ito bago kuhanin ang cellphone. 

SMARTEEZ

Dylan: Kael? I heard what happened kay Kuya Eko, are you okay?

Gab: Do you need someone? Gusto mo ba lumabas? 

My lips somehow lifted up. I'm really lucky I have them. Hindi ko na siguro alam ang gagawin ko kung wala sila. They helped me escape in this world, in this house. 

Kael: I'm okay guys, you don't need to worry.

Dylan: Duda kami Kael, I know your mom already knows what happened pero alam namin na nasasaktan ka.

Gab: Yeah, baka nga umiiyak ka pa riyan eh. Pero it's okay tho, even if you're hurting and crying. It's totally valid and we get it if gusto mo muna mapag isa. Just don't ever lie to us about what you really feel okay? No judgement tayo here. 

Dy: So tell us, are you really okay?

Kael: I'm not pero wala akong magagawa to make this okay. So I need to suck it up and you don't need to worry about me. I can do this.

Gab: You know what, instead of crying there sa room mo. Why not mag wind up ka? Clean your mind, go for a walk or do something not to think about it. It's your call if you want us to accompany you or not muna. We're just one call away Kael. 

I took down my phone and stared at the ceiling. Should I really do that? Would it help me? 

A lot of contemplating but I still end up wearing my hoodie before going out. 

The cold night welcomed me as soon as I opened our gate. It is a great night, the stars above are shining brightly as well as the moon gleaming around the darkness. Tanging tunog lang ng mga sasakyan at hangin ang naririnig ko kaya kaagad na gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. 

They were right, this would really helped me. I should do this often. 

Lakad lang ako nang lakad, hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta pero nadatnan ko ang sarili ko na papalabas na sa gate ng mismong village namin. Tila ba alam ng mga paa ko kung saan ako dapat pumunta. 

I found myself sitting in a swing. Just casually pushing myself back and forth. This was my favorite spot before, when I was a child. Sa tuwing pinapagalitan ako ni mommy dahil sa mga low scores na natatanggap ko although 2 or 1 lang naman ang mga mali, dito ako nagpupunta.

But it was way back when I'm still at elementary, noong nag highschool na ako. I swore to myself to be perfect and ace everything kaya puro aral dito, aral d'yan ang ginagawa ko. Halos hindi na nga ako lumabas ng kwarto kung hindi pa ako pupuntahan at aayain nila Dy at Gab na lumabas eh.

I pushed myself to the point na nakakalimutan ko na alagaan ang sarili ko, I sacrificed everything simula sa mental health ko, emotional and even physical dahil pati pagkain eh nakakalimutan ko na kaya nagka ulcer ako at hindi rin natutulog na tama sa oras. Sinubukan at ginawa ko ang lahat para lang maging proud si Mommy, lahat ng activities sa school sinalihan ko and I always win.

But of course there are times na hindi ako ang nanalo, kaya ang ginagawa ko pinaparusahan ko ang sarili ko. I would distance myself from anyone, I wouldn't eat until I feel really dizzy and weak from hunger.