Silent

28. Never let that define you

Paris was a beautiful city. Michael watched the people on the streets and the buildings they passed with interest. Memories haunted these streets. He had been here once with his family and now his memory kept picking up familiar streets and buildings he had passed with his mother and father all those years ago.

He walked alongside Jean as he, Eric, and Paul introduced the city to him. They passed a hotel that Michael was almost certain was the one he had stayed in with his parents. He almost said it out loud, but then the emotions overtook and it felt easier to stay silent. Here he was closer to his family than in years and his heart ached for home more than words could ever describe. Yet, contacting them now... Perhaps it would be the first place Ricky would check?

They went on a cruise on the Seine; the day was sunny and warm. Jean stood beside him on the deck and spoke with a calm voice of the attractions that the cruiser passed. It felt odd being there, odd to be suddenly among regular people and be a part of the normal existence. In New York, he had always felt like an outsider and other normal people had been like mere mirages in his eyes; impossible to connect with.

Now he watched silently around him, tourists who were taking pictures, laughing children and adults. A group of young women, perhaps the same age as him, stood a little farther away. They were clinking champagne glasses and taking pictures of each other, giggling and speaking in a language that sounded funny in his ears. Michael watched them smiling, wondering how his life would have been if he hadn't gone with Ricky. He would have gone to college instead and... Now he could have had a group of friends to go partying with and travel around the world with, carefree and happy. The world would have seemed so different. How wonderful it would have been to be able to look at everything through innocent eyes, unaware of the ugliness and cruelty beneath the surface, never knowing its painful touch.

Jean touched his hand, and Michael turned to look at the man, who gave him a gentle smile. Michael felt a sudden rush of gratitude and warmth and so he snuggled a little closer to him. He missed Jack, but for the first time in a long time, he remembered things about himself that he had thought to lose forever.

"What are you thinking, chéri?" Jean whispered in his ear, and Michael smiled, watching how the sun glistened on the water.

"I'm thinking how lucky I was to have met you," Michael whispered,d and Jean couldn't help but smile. He brought his arm around Michael's shoulders and kissed the crown of his head.

"Should we go to have dinner after?" Eric asked, stepping closer. Michael brought his head up and glanced at Jean, who nodded.

"Yes, I want to treat Michael to a proper French meal."

That evening, Michael allowed himself to relax. They ate and drank. Eric and Paul told him things that made him laugh more freely than in years. The men had been together for fifteen years and Michael found it interesting to watch how they were with each other and ask them about their relationship. Sure they fought at times, Eric said, sure their eyes wandered from time to time, but they had been loyal to each other and would be in the future. The wild sex adventures could be left to others; Paul had chuckled and smiled at Eric, who had touched his hand gently and hinted that their adventures together were wild enough. The world had some good left; love was possible when one didn't expect the impossible from it.

That night, Jean was very gentle with him when they had sex and Michael believed that with time, his feelings for the man would grow stronger. Even now, he felt his affection waking.

During the first weeks, Jean spent a lot of time with him. He introduced the city to him so that Michael would know his way around there and learn to use the subway and read the maps. Eric and Paul were often with them, and Michael felt safe with them.