Silent

63. Dreams are all you have

Harry watched his daughter play with his wife, the sweet giggling at the goofy faces Carolyn made filled the room. It usually made his heart warm, but now it felt heavy. He felt as though there was a noose around his neck slowly tightening and, in a way, it was.

Carolyn hadn't spoken to him in a couple of days, not properly, only what she had to. She didn't approve of him defending that man. It made her uneasy, with the public opinion being what it was. With the crimes being what they were. He was dragging their reputation down as well. He knew she had a point. The unhappy side of defending people with such heavy crimes.  And... the crimes he was partly guilty of as well. 

There was no way out for him. But she didn't know that. So he sat there, paralyzed, watching that staged joy that was only truly joyful for his daughter, still innocent of the cruelty of the world. How he prayed she could forever avoid the ugliness.

But to defend a man like Ricky... He would be forever hated, though it was his job to defend and if he refused, the ugliness he was or had been would rise and taint the rest of them with him. And each of her giggles, so innocent, carefree, and sweet, stabbed his insides.

He had never thought it was possible to feel such love, so deep and powerful, where he'd be ready to lie down his life just to ensure those giggles could remain as carefree as now. She would not remember him. It would be easy, never mind how unpleasant it felt to him to be forgotten. But neither did he want to be remembered as the defender of the monster, nor as the man who had taken advantage of that boy.

Ricky's nephew was found, severely traumatized and injured, but able to tell the horrid details of what he had been through. If that hadn't been enough, the remains of Sebastian's Walsh were also found. Ricky's accomplice had turned himself in and agreed to get hypnosis done to remember better that night and locate what was left of the Walsh boy. He had also agreed to testify against Ricky. The evidence was now too solid against Rickard Larkin and he was revealed for what he was; a murderer, a rapist, a monster that people wanted to pay for as severely as the crimes committed deserved.

How could he defend him?

How could he defend a monster who had destroyed so many? There had been a time when all of his victims had been children like his daughter, giggling sweetly and innocently in their parents' arms.

It felt difficult to picture Ricky ever being so innocent. A man like him was born dark, surely, though many would have disputed it. And as he thought of it, he was once again reminded of his own crime. The boy had been so beautiful, the taste of heaven he shouldn't have taken. A bite of the forbidden apple in the Garden of Eden. But he had taken it, knowing it was wrong and the serpent in Ricky's form had devilishly encouraged it.

And now he owed the devil something he couldn't pay even if he tried. There was nothing that would make the jury go easy on him now, nor did he want there to be. Because he knew the devil would destroy many more if he was ever permitted free. The man deserved a life in prison tormented by the narrow walls that would not break, no matter how much cash he would be willing to bribe his jailors with.

And so, he could not save the monster and he couldn't save himself. But his daughter, he could at least spare from the ugly side of the world a little while longer, at least long enough for her to enjoy her childhood. She would know nothing of him. She would not remember him. It was how it had to be.

His soul heavy and regretful, he stood, casting one last look at his wife and giggling daughter. The child, resembling an innocent baby cherub, met his gaze and smiled. Perhaps it was a sign that he was doing the right thing. Perhaps...

And so he excused himself, saying there was work to be done. Carolyn said nothing, only glanced at him quickly. Their marriage had been over before it had ever fully even begun. Their marriage was for the child, the only good thing he left behind.