Silent

65. Do I sound different?

The trial had been the main talk of the town for the past weeks, or so it seemed. It was understandable, of course, especially when it involved Michael, the local boy who had gone missing five years earlier.

Tommy, working at a bar owned by his big brother's friend, naturally heard most of the talk and speculation revolving around it. They knew he was, or at least had been, Michael's best friend and were curious about the details he might know, outside what they printed in papers. It was true that he knew more than most. Not from Michael, but from his mother, who kept him updated. Tommy would share none of the private knowledge given to him with the deepest trust. People were fools if they thought otherwise.

Many were more discreet with their overwhelming curiosity, but Tommy often felt their keen eyes following him around. When he noticed, they at least had decency enough to cast their gaze away in embarrassment. 

He even had some reporters trying to reach him in hopes of an interview. They were disgusting vultures; Tommy thought. He had not been surprised to find that Luke had agreed to such an interview, daring to claim that he had been a good friend of Michael. What a joke it was considering he had been the biggest bully when Michael had been outed as gay by his stupid mistake. 

Now Luke pretended to be shocked when he had actually made disgusting jokes about Michael's disappearance back then. Well, perhaps the truth had shocked him, but Tommy found it difficult to believe his concern for Michael's welfare being genuine. He wondered how much money the reporters had paid for that lying asshole and felt angry about the whole thing. He's brother luckily convinced him it wasn't worth his energy to go after Luke about it. People who mattered, saw through his lies after all and if Tommy would act on his impulses, it would only draw more drama and attention to the case. 

William had a point and so he did his best to forget about the stupid article.  

Now the trial was over at last. The beast who had taken his friend would rot in jail for the rest of his life. It had made him hope that death sentences would have still been administered in the state of New York, for that kind of human garbage didn't deserve any tax dollars to keep him living. But it was what it was.

 Jenny, to whom he had talked with a couple nights ago, argued that maybe in truth this was worse punishment than death. For a man like him to lose everything, spent agonizing days deprived of his freedom, guarded by other men. Tommy could see her point, but it still didn't seem enough, so he prayed for karma to get him. 

The same karma could teach Luke a lesson while it was at it... 

The conclusion had at least eased the talk, and for that, Tommy was glad. He had finally felt more at peace at work, though the anxiousness remained. Michael was on his mind constantly and he suspected he wouldn't get rid of the anxiousness until they had talked. He needed patience. He knew that, but it was difficult to hold on to it.

The past kept haunting his mind. The what ifs that would never be, kept playing their cruel dance in his mind. He felt lost, longing for the past and unsure about the future, of the path that he should take. 

He was stuck waiting. For the past five years, his goal had been to find his friend. Everything he had done was to reach that goal and to pacify his regret-filled mind. But there was no such peace. Regrets wouldn't leave him. Would they ever?

Now Michael was found and that goal that had driven him forward was made empty. He hadn't been the one to find him, so he couldn't help but to wonder had the years spent searching in vain been wasted. He wasn't sure, but now he was simply stuck, waiting. Waiting for the forgiveness he wasn't sure he even deserved.