Silent

64. Justice

Losing her mother the way that she had was and would always remain a sore subject for Evelyn. She blamed herself. Things, important things, had been left unsaid. She knew her mother had loved her, but had she known how much she had loved her back? How grateful she was to have such a happy childhood and supportive parents. She wanted to tell her how right she had been and how much she regretted not having listened. If she had, all of their lives could have been so different. She should have been there for Michael, she should have kept better care, should have...

Of course, all these should haves were useless when there was no way of altering things, yet it was hard to rid of them. The regret would probably always remain in some form. The horrible accident that took her mother, took away her son as well. She could have prevented the latter, had she listened, had she paid better attention.

The accident alone was horrible, but then to learn that the monster who had taken her son was behind it proved worse. It broke her heart further when, just before the trial, after Michael had given his recorded statement, he broke down and told her. He was blaming himself for being so foolish and bringing death to her door and this destructive chaos in all of their lives.

Sure, there was blame to be shared, but none of it was his to bear. It was hers; it was Henry's, but most of all, it was that man. A cold-hearted, calculating monster who lived for his own pleasure alone. Comforting Michael through the sudden and uncalled self-blame eased her into dealing with her own guilt.

"You know what my mother would say," Evelyn had whispered in his ear, holding him close like she once had when he had been but a small bairn. And in that moment, he was that child, the one she had lost and who had grown into a man. He was the child needing comfort that her whole being had ached to give when he had been gone. In her embrace, head resting on her bosom, his breathing had eased. "Nonsense, Querido niño," Evelyn continued and gently brushed her hand on his hair, "It's not your fault."

"I miss her," Michael whispered brokenly.

"I do too," Evelyn admitted, not letting go of her gentle, motherly hold of him. "But I feel her presence often. I feel her presence now," she said, smiling sadly when looking down at his soft auburn hair sprawled on her chest. "She hasn't left us and I know, she's glad we found each other."

Michael's eyes were open, his breathing easier now. "I feel her presence too," he whispered. "Many times... it was the comfort I needed, to feel her there."

Evelyn swallowed as tears rose in her eyes. She continued to stroke his hair without being able to find her voice for a moment.

"Maybe she can finally move on," Michael said, and slowly straightened up to sit. He took his mother's hand in his. "I think...I'm ready to let go," he said. "Though I will always think of her."

Evelyn looked back at him and smiled. "She will remain in our hearts," she agreed.

"I need to talk to Tommy," Michael sighed after a small pause. "She would want me to. I've been pushing it off way too long, and it's not fair... I just... I need to see this trial through."

"Tommy understands," Evelyn said hesitantly when Michael looked at her. "I've been talking with him often, at least three times a week. He just wants to know how you're doing and I've told him." When Michael looked away in shame, Evelyn reached to touch his cheek to bring his gaze to her. "He understands," she assured. "He knows you'll talk when you're ready."

Michael nodded, unable to find his voice, instead he squeezed his mother's hand and vowed to himself to reach out for Tommy soon even if it nerved him to do so. It had been so long since he had heard his voice...