Silent

30. Espèce d'enfoiré!

March 2001, London

Samuel Addison Wentworth sat on the edge of a bed, with only a blanket drawn on his lap, covering his nakedness. He looked out into the rainy morning in thought. The bed creaked behind him, followed by a sigh, but he didn't turn to look.

"Why must you go?" The younger man asked behind him, before moving closer and snuggling against his back. Soft lips caressed Samuel's neck, hands moved on his naked chest. "I'll miss you terribly, Sam," the voice added and Sam placed his hand on top of the other, squeezing gently.

"We already talked about this," he said in a soft tone. The rain grew heavier, whipping against the window glass at an almost angry pace, as if daring anyone from going outside. Sam surely didn't want to and hoped it would be over when he needed to.

The weather in Paris would surely be more agreeable; Sam thought idly while his lover for the night gave another heavy sigh.

"Won't you miss me?" The younger man repeated the question that he had already asked many times before during these last couple of weeks.

"Daniel," Sam said quietly, feeling tired. He took his lover's hand that had slipped down to rest on his thigh and moved it away gently. It had been a mistake to come over for one last night before his leave, a mistake to believe Daniel when he had convinced him that he understood the situation. "Of course, I'll think of you. You're my friend," he replied. The younger man was quiet for a moment.

"I thought I was something more," Daniel's desolate voice answered. Sam got up and started looking for his clothes. "I don't understand you Sam, we get along so great, the sex is amazing and you can't deny that it wouldn't be," Daniel observed him with a disappointed look on his face, his voice had a tight ring to it.

"Of course, the sex has been amazing, but..." Sam slipped into his boxers. His head was aching. He should have known that this conversation would follow.

"But?" Daniel asked, moving to the edge of the bed. "What's wrong with me? Why do you want to run from me? Why can't I come with you?" Sam gritted his teeth.

"There is nothing wrong with you, Daniel. I thought you understood the situation. Yesterday you said you understood and I'm tired of going over this. You are my friend. I'm not ready to commit to anyone and you know that." Sam glanced at the other man, who sat there, clearly pouting. Daniel swept his light brown hair back, his gray-green eyes watered, and Sam felt lousy. "Daniel..." He started, stepping closer.

"Don't you care for me at all?" Daniel asked, looking up into his blue eyes. Sam placed his hand on Daniel's shoulder.

"Of course, I care. I just don't think that I'm the kind of guy who commits. We clearly want different things, and it's better from now on to just remain as friends, right?" Daniel gave him a miserable look. "You'll find someone, Dan, someone who wants the same things as you, believe me."

"I don't want to lose you," Daniel got up, snuggled against his chest, arms around him. The young man kissed his neck, his chin, and finally his lips, his other hand moving to caress his blond hair that was still messy after the night they shared. "Let's just continue as we have. Paris isn't that far and..." Sam took hold of Daniel's wrists and pulled back.

"Let's just be friends, it's better," he said calmly, and Daniel frowned. Sam got his shirt from the floor and pulled it on.

"I bloody well don't understand what's gotten into you, Sam! What the hell do you think you accomplish by stepping down from the position that you've been granted?! A gym trainer! With your education and your money!" Daniel laughed contemptuously, picking up his clothes from the floor, and dressing them, one by one. "Do you even realize how ridiculous your decision is?!"