Back To December

Special Chapter: Last Long Message

One month has passed. Masyado pa rin akong hulog sa kanya. At marami akong pagkakataon na nahuhuli ko sya na nakatingin sa akin, pero ayoko ng mag delusion pa. Masyado ng masakit

Kinausap ko pa ang kaibigan kong si Bunny sa RP para kausapin si Fabela at hindi naman ako nagkamali. Dahil sumagot sya. At ang mensahe na iyon ay mas lalong nakapag pa luha sa akin

Akala ko sa nagdaang isang buwan ay ayos na ako, pero nagkamali ako. Paano naman kasi ay lagi ko pa rin syang nakikita. Kaya malabong mawala iyon

Sa ilang buwan kong naghahanap ng paraan para makausap sya ay natagpuan ko ang kanyang Instagram Account. Hindi ako nagpatulong sa kahit na kanino. Mapa kaibigan ko man sa RA o RP. When I found that, I decided to chat him right away

Alam ko namang wala na akong pag asa na kausapin pa nya or what. Basta, ang importante ay masabi ko ang lahat sa kanya. That's why exactly 11:00 PM, I opened my Instagram and chat him right away

jppfabelove6666

July 06 23:00

Fabela, I know na kapag nakita mo yung name ko hindi mo pag tutuunan to ng pansin but please, I'm here para i explain yung last time. I just want to explain everything that time, Pero naka block na ako sayo eh. I know sinabi ko na "kaibigan ko yun", right? Di ko naman kasi itatanggi yun eh. But, I just want to say sorry if na misunderstood mo yung ibig sabihin ko dun, and di ko naman kita masisisi dun eh, kasi alam ko mali ko ang tanga ko sa part na yun, pero kaya ko lang naman kasi nasabi yun, I have one reason... I hate rejection, I'm scared being reject, why? Because I already experience it a lot, hindi lang naman sa mga gantong bagay eh

And, nasabi mo rin sa akin diba na "hindi mo talaga ako nagustuhan" and ayaw kitang paniwalaan, right?. Maybe it's my fault kasi pinipilit kita. Pero, I'm also a victim sa part na yun eh. Pinaniniwalaan ko yung taong nagsabi sa akin na may gusto ka sa akin. Ang tanga ko na ba nun? So, that time binalewala ko yun. Kaya nung araw na yun, yun yung isang bagay na pinanghawakan ko kasi dahil sa nagsabi sa akin. Also, sorry to that.

Ang dami pala ng wrong ko no? But I can't notice it. Nakatingin lang ako sa gusto ko, but wala akong pake sa pakiramdam ng iba? (yeah one of my red flags) Pero, sabi ko before I chat you here, di ko muna isasama yung Confession ko last time but i guess I can't. First of all, sorry, if mahaba na masyado yung Message ko, but wala akong pake, I'm here to explain everything.

Di ko din naman kasi alam kung kelan lahat nagsimula eh, pero merong isang bagay na it makes me feel weird, when you are being in a relationship last time, i forgot the name of his but based on my source katabing section nyo lang sya , don't know if totoo. Then, yun, at first I ignore it, then I try to self reflect to myself, that, ok mali to. But, when I realized na hindi na normal.. ginawa ko na yung bagay na yun

I know naman na di mo ko paniniwalaan eh, diba? Kasi baka sa mata mo nga Story Maker na ko. How funny, Seven? Baka din wala kang pake. But, I don't care. And yung sinabi mo sa akin na at the very first place you want to be close with me. You always called my name pag nakikita mo ko, I don't know, pero... naging teary eyed ako nun. Sasabihin mo na naman kaka wattpad ko? It's okay. Ikaw naman yan eh. I'll accept it.

And maniniwala ka ba,, yung unang lipat mo dito, When I first saw you mula sa taas, sabi ko sa sarili ko... "I want to be friend with this person", which is di ko naman ugali. So, everytime na uuwi yung mga pinsan and yung kapatid ko, at ikaw yung kinukwento nila, I bit my lip secretly to hide my smile. Like, siguro, ayos ka if magiging kaibigan kita? And di naman ako nagkamali dun. I saw how you take care of friends, how clingy you are to them, how comfortable you are to them. And they're right lahat ng bagay nasa huli yung pagsisisi. Kasi nung time na gusto mo ko maging kaibigan, di kita pinapansin, right? Kasi gusto ko ikaw lalapit sa akin, ikaw mag-a-approach. Kasi, I don't know how to approach people, kaya nga sabi nila masama ugali ko. Pero masyado akong umaasa nun. And nung time na gusto ko naman na, ayaw mo na dahil nga sa isang pagka misunderstood mo sa chat ko. Ayos na nga ko na ayaw mo eh. Pero wala, nilayuan mo ko

You know that time, naiinis ako sayo, pero mas naiinis ako sa sarili ko, at di ko alam bakit. Kasi sabi mo you want to be friends with me, right? Pero, pero nilayuan mo ko out of nowhere, ayun pala na turn off kana sa ginawa ko. But, why you couldn't explain it to me? Kaya ko naman baguhin yung sarili ko eh. And still remember, nung nag usap tayo nun, kinaumagahan, first time nangyari na pagkalabas mo dyan sa apartment yun din yung sakto kong paglabas.. That time, gusto kong sabihin sa parents ko na ako na lang papasok mag isa, kasi I want to approach you, I want to tell and explain everything to you. But di nila ako pinayagan kasi maaga pa daw masyado, so I feel hopeless na mae-explain ko pa sayo

There's a lot of time na pwede na kitang i-approach. I know naman na hindi na hindi mo naman hinihintay yun. Pero, ewan ko pinangungunahan ako ng kaba ko. And lagi mo ring kasama ung mga kaibigan mo. When you saw me at people's park, when we have a practice on one activity at school .. it's too obvious sa kilos mo na iniiwasan mo ko nun eh, and it makes me feel hurt. Pero kasalanan ko, anong gagawin ko? Even yung kasama ko nagtataka bakit daw ganon ka kumilos dahil kilala ka din

When that thing happen, I have a lot of what if
What if naging friend tayo ng mas maaga
What if di ko yung ginawa
What if..sobrang dami eh
And maybe you're right, masyado akong nag de delusion. (Wag kang magagalit sa tao na yun kung may natatandaan ka na napag sabihan ng ganyan, nagulat lang din ako kinausap ka nya and send it to me) Kasi halos gabi-gabi I always imagine you are on my side, hugging you so tight. Talking about some things that make us both happy and lot more. Most of my dream is about you. Weird? Creepy? Kahit ako nagtataka na eh, bakit di ko pa to tigil, kasi wla naman na, ayaw mo naman ako lang tong nagpupumilit

I know I didn't meet your standards in terms of one person sa relationship kasi sa mukha pa nga lang talo na ako eh. But promise, nagbabago ako. Sinusubukan ko. Pero, totoo yun. I feel so insecure bout my face at dun pa lang, walang wala na. Bye bye na agad. Pero, minsan, natatawa na lang, sa lahat ng nagustuhan ko, hindi ako umamin, dahil nga takot ako sa rejection, sayo ko lang ginawa yun, kahit na alam ko na agad yung posibleng sagot.

I know to my self that my feelings for you will not fade right away. It'll fade... soon! So, as of the moment, please, just let me love you even you don't want to. And even it so possible for you to saw this message, because I literally don't know if you still using this account, I took a risk. Huh? please? let me. But, sana open mo to kasi nandito na lahat ng gusto kong sabihin eh. I don't want to end my school year na may ka-ilangan or what. I want to end my school year peacefully. I hope you'll open it, read it. And reply on it as a BONUS

I don't know how many times did I say it but please, let me love you even you don't want to. But, if you given me a chance, I'll prove it to you. Promise! I don't like sugar coated words, if you know. I want to say the 3 magic words, but I know I don't have any rights to say it in front of you. As of now, I'm happy that I always saw you with your friends, enjoying their company. And I don't if you are already enroll on the school we're am I studying next school year, but I guess you're not studying there. Coz you have a money, from your parents. And I know that you'll find someone there. Better! That meet your standards that I never ever can! And I hate myself because of that. Still, congratulations you graduated with an special award(With Honor). And this guy, this guy who love you and you hate the most is so proud of you! I want to say those 3 words badly, but I don't have any rights! Still, I'm so proud of you! From the very start I know you can do it!

Sana open mo to if binubuksan mo pa din. Andito lahat ng explanations ko. Which is until now, I'm still hoping that you saw this and you'll reply on my message after all what I did to you! Goodnight! Andito lahat ng explanations ko, sana basahin mo naman oh. Please? That's all

And after I send those message, I can't notice that my tears is fall like ocean that keeps waving who don't want top stop. I know, that my feelings for him will end, but not now. And, when that thing happen, I can take a look on my past where I fall in love on him, because he makes me as a stronger person than I thought

For the very first time, I just want to tell this 3 words for you, even you don't know it

I Love You, Fabela