Knowing His Wife

𝟏𝟏. 𝐇𝐢𝐬 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐓𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡

Yuvaani

It has been two weeks I've done lactation Induction and began feeding the babies. As we were already much concerned about Priyansh, Aarush guessed that as his twin, Pihu might have the same symptoms so we got her checked too. To our relief, we learnt that Pihu's immune system was stronger than Priyansh, but there was risk she could be the victim of the same, as she too had been deprived of mother's milk.

Priyansh grew healthier. He was more active than he used to. I'm content seeing his improvements. Both the kids learnt to say 'Mama'. As they're too small to be corrected, I've decided I'll teach them 'Mumma' later on.

I sighed. It has two weeks of my marriage too. But it feels like numb. We only had specific interactions regarding kids, their necessities, food, legal terms etc. Can I be honest? I'm not willing to accept the voidness that is growing inside me. My days just pass. Just pass. It's like wake up, kids care, looking after family, cook meals, have meals, sleep, talk minimal. That's it.

His parents support me. I'm grateful for that. I didn't feel like I'm an outsider when I'm with them. They treat me as Ishaani Di and Aarush. Even, Ishani Di is my support system here. She takes care of me. Even on my first night when I was out on sofa, and she learnt the same, she felt bad. And it was clearly evident on her face. That's the reason she told me to occupy the fourth bedroom of the house instead of being on sofa.

My days pass by well, but the nights are real challenge. During the day stuff keeps me occupied, but I spend my nights in solitude. Since the day I got married I never slept in his bedroom. I agree, my belongings are there, I can spend my daytime there, even night time too. But I can't sleep there, according to him. So ironically, our house is full now. I left a small sad laugh.

As in, the first bedroom is for Aarush and kids, second for his parents, third for Di's family and fourth is for me. Anyways, what's the use of thinking it now? It ain't gonna change anything. I took steps towards my room for sleeping. The very fact that I sleep here is unknown to his parents. Just Di, Jiju, Aarush and I are aware. I closed the door behind me, and made my way to the balcony.

But my steps halted in the way as I saw my reflection in mirror. I took a good view of myself. Especially the side profile. I've changed. My body is changed.

Due to the implantation, the body took several drastic changes. My breast size amplified, I gained few kilograms. I get tired very soon. This all was considerable to me, but what not was- my weakness. It felt as my appetite toned down day be day. My feet swell every now and then. I didn't have the capacity to stand for a long time.

I hate being weak. I really do. I can be weak in front of my parents, but not these people. I mean- I consider them as my family. From my heart. Honestly. It's embarrassing. I thought of revealing my weakness to the family a few years after my marriage, not a few days. What will they think? It has been just two weeks, and a newly wedded bride falls sick. I don't want to present my weak side in front of my in-laws. Will they think that I'm pretending as to I don't have to do work? I'm not like that-

Stop overthinking!

Yeah. I shouldn't be overthinking. They are sweet a family. They won't say such things, right? And being tired of standing, I drifted myself in bed. And I began thinking how my life was vs how my life is!

Like, it has been just two weeks and I'm missing my office miserably. I miss those deadlines, colleague talks, canteen fun and what not! Every morning I used to get up and run after public transport, Me being late multiple times, me missing the bus as I was behind the clock. It all came to my mind. I miss going out, every morning! Not that his parents won't allow me to, but it's just that- I have no reason to step out now. Earlier the reason was office, now it's nothing.