Deviant Love

9 - HIS

[Chapter 9]

I fucked up. I know.

The memories of those six years are a haunting shadow that I can never escape. The darkness that consumed me during that time still lingers, and I fear that if mio fiore knew the truth, she would look at me with disgust and horror. [my flower]

I was not the man she once knew, the one she loved so deeply. Instead, I became someone entirely else, someone I didn't recognize myself. The pain, the anger, and the desperation drove me down a path I never thought I'd take. It was a world of darkness, of ruthless actions and unforgivable deeds.

I can't bear her knowing the monster I had become, the man who hurt others without remorse, who reveled in power and control. It's a side of me I loath, but one that I can't escape-this is who I had become. Maybe I was that person from the start, and those six years brought it to the surface.

So, I wear this mask of indifference, pretending to be the composed and powerful man she now sees before her. But beneath the surface, I'm a mess of regrets and guilt. I want to tell her the truth, to beg for forgiveness, but I fear it will only push her further away.

Daisy deserves better than me, someone who can protect and cherish her, not this broken and twisted version of who I used to be. But I can't let her go, I can't walk away from the only woman who has ever truly mattered to me.

Every fiber of my being yearns to be near her, to feel her presence and bask in the warmth of her smile. I would willingly fall to my knees before her, humbling myself if that's what it takes to be in her good graces again.

I have no one but her. Sure, I have Roman, my other people, yet no one can ever replace Daisy. She is my everything.

My heart bleeds everything I see her glare, with how much hatred and pain she looks at me. I know the past won't change. But I want to change the present and future for us. I want a future where we both are together, happy and in love.

My obsession with her only deepens as I realize I may never have her back in my arms. It's a torturous cycle of desire and self-loathing, and I got trapped in its relentless grip.

I want to change, to be the man she deserves, but I don't know if it's possible. The darkness inside me feels like a weight I can never shake off. It tempts me and pulls me toward the easy path.

The path of power and control.

But she is my light-she brings me hope and warmth, even in the coldest moments. I want to protect her from the darkness, to shield her from the truth of what I've done.

Yet, I fear that if she ever finds out, she will never be able to look at me the same way again. The thought of losing her forever is unbearable, and I will do whatever it takes to keep her by my side, even if it means hiding the darkest parts of myself.

So, I'll continue to wear this mask, to pretend that I'm the man she remembers while silently battling the demons that threaten to consume me.

"Do you have the file on Travis?" I asked, my voice carefully controlled. The mere thought of any other man being with her romantically sent me into overdrive. No one could claim her but me; she was-is mine.

"Hold your horses, bro," Roman chuckled, placing a black file in front of my desk. "He's a good guy; hurting him will only push her away," he warned.

I ignored his advice. I knew I wasn't a rational man when it came to Daisy, I was a possessive freak, but I never claimed to be a gentleman.

"Daisy has changed a lot," Roman continued, annoyance evident in his tone. I wished he would go back to his own business. "She's not the little girl we used to protect; she's grown up and knows how to fight," he added with pride.

I felt a twinge of pride too. Mio fiore's punch had packed a force, and though I didn't show it, it hurt a bit. But damn me for secretly liking it. Part of me wished she would punch me again as I could feel her voluntarily touch me once more.

Roman left as I closed the file.

My eyes darted across the multiple screens, each displaying a different angle of Daisy's apartment. It felt invasive and wrong, but I couldn't stop myself. My fingers danced on the keyboard, effortlessly switching between camera feeds as if I had done this a hundred times before.

My heart skipped a beat as I watched her on the screen.

Daisy hummed a tune as she stirred a pot on the stove, her movements fluid and natural. She wore a simple t-shirt and sweatpants, but to me, she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

There she was, in her little world, dancing and singing like no one was watching. It was a sight that brought joy and frustration to my heart. Joy because she looked so carefree and happy, and frustration because I wasn't the one making her feel that way.

But the reality was that I was just an observer, an intruder in her private life. I knew it was wrong, unethical even, to invade her privacy like this. But I couldn't help myself. I needed to be close to her, even if it was just through these cameras.

A pang of anger rose in me as I noticed the lack of security on her apartment door. It was far too easy for me to breach her privacy like this. She should be more careful, especially with someone like me lurking in the shadows.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from the screen as Daisy moved gracefully around her apartment. Every little detail, every subtle movement she made, seemed to hold me captive. It was like I was under a spell, unable to resist the pull of my dark obsession.

Her presence alone warmed my heart, even as I knew I was invading her privacy. But I couldn't stop myself. I needed to see her, to know she was safe and well, even if it meant crossing the forbidden boundaries.

As she finished her meal and headed to her closet, I adjusted the camera angle-giving her the privacy she deserved. I watched her shadow move behind the screen, my mind filling in the gaps of what I couldn't see. It was enough to make my heart race, my imagination running wild with thoughts of her beauty.

Minutes passed, and I switched the camera to the bedroom section just in time to see her in a stunning red dress. She looked breathtaking, and my breath caught in my throat. Her sight made me want to hold her close and make her mine once and for all.

She was heading somewhere.

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