To Keep You

Ten: Olive

As if the clouds were crying, beautiful leaves of various shades fell from the sky as I strolled through the small park. The park itself was filled with many trees, and it seemed to be one of the most popular places in this town for the cement pathway was filled with people of all ages.

The sky was so blue I wondered if it had stolen it's new shade from the ocean. It was the lightest blue I have ever seen. While the early evening sun shined brightly down upon my weak body, I noticed all the beautiful things that surrounded me. However, through my sorrowful eyes, I could not spare much thought, yet alone admiration to such things.

Roxelana and I agreed to meet in the park around three o'clock. Upon hearing the news of our outing, the maids brought clothes for both Rah'chayl and myself, and being the darling she is, Blanche helped me wrangle my curls into a half-up ponytail, it wasn't perfect, but it will do for the occasion. My outfit was not something to drool over either. It was boring and rather plain, for it was simply a burnt orange sweater and some dark blue jeans. However, it suits me, for I have become nothing but a shadow of my former self and the new me is stuck in a state of depression, therefore I'm boring and plain in even my own eyes.

I dread deeply to think of what others who pass me think of me...

Sighing, I glanced over the hood of the stroller to make sure Rah'chayl was still sleeping peacefully. To no surprise, she was, but I felt as if I needed to have eyes on her every moment or she'll disappear. It was strange, I've known this little human for less than a week, and already I'm willing to die for her.

Sighing once more, I pushed those thoughts away and smiled softly at her cute little outfit. While Blanche was helping me get ready, Lola got Rah'chayl dressed. Because of the colder weather, she decided on a sage green onesie with little reindeer on it. If that was not enough, the reindeer even had little red bows around their necks. The onesie luckily covered her feet, however, to conceal her little hands and head from the harsh weather. Lola placed a matching set of white knitted mittens and a hat on her. Rah'chayl was adorable, to say the least. However, before leaving the hospital, I made sure to tuck a soft blanket on top of her, just to truly make sure she was not cold.

Truly, I would never forgive myself if she were to catch a cold simply because I wanted to try and have a friend. It felt strange to even imagine having friends again. I used to have many, but as the years and even months have gone on, I have lost them all. I didn't really miss them, but however, I missed how they made me feel. I missed being supported and cared for. I think at this moment, I miss nearly any emotions my friends had once shown me. I'd forgotten what it was like to be alone, Seth was like the moon. He found me and shined light upon the darkness that filled me. Even when I thought he was married, he was like a friend I'd never had before. But now, that Cheyenna is nothing more than a dream, my feelings for him can be expressed without the guilt. But how can I express my feelings for him when he can't even hear such words from my mouth?

"Oh, there you are! I was beginning to think you weren't coming." Roxelana's mellow voice broke through my thoughts like an axe to piece of wood. However, too tired to be stunned, I simply threw a glance over my shoulder as the woman jogged up to me.

"I didn't know where to find you..." I trailed off as she fell into step beside me. My eyes caught sight of two small to-go-cups in her hands.

"Oh, sorry, I kind of forgot your new here." She laughed softly before offering me one of the cups. Seeing the confusion on my face, she laughed once more, "It's hot chocolate, freshly off the kettle."

Nodding slowly, I gently lifted one hand off the stroller and grasped the warm cup. Not knowing what to say nor how to say any words to her, I simply kept quiet, silently praying she'll speak for the three of us like she had the previous night.