To Keep You

Sixteen: Malachi

If love was a crime, I would gladly take a thousand lashings upon my bare skin. Call me insane, crazy, or perhaps downright mad, I do not care. For what I feel cannot be explained by man, only by God. I never believed in soulmates until her mismatched eyes locked upon my own.

Love isn't kind or simple, not even patient. It wants what it wants and will do nearly anything to gain what it desires. Love drives the sane to insane. It weakens the mightily and brings down the prideful.

But we willingly give up anything for it, myself included. I know what I feel now was not love, but soon enough, I would come to love Candy.

Candy, what a tasteless name.

However, beastly and unintelligent, my beloved may assume I am, I do, however, have a talent for spotting lies and, more particularly, liars.

I was spoon-fed lies my enter life after all...

I slammed the hammer against the wooden fence and watched with clouded eyes as the nail sliced through the thick wood. I was working in the south pastor today, and even though the garden was only a mile or two away from me, it might as well have been a thousand suns away.

For the place I normally find peace at, now feels so alone...so depressing. It was just me, God, and the cattle out here. I used to find peace out here, I would speak with God for hours and never grew bored. But now, all that clouds my mind is concern and worry for my angel.

Her body is not well... Neither is her mind. She is sick in a way she doesn't even realize. You shouldn't crave to die. Her lips have yet to utter the names of her demons, but behind those enchanting eyes is a vast ocean of pain riddled waves. Each one deadlier than the last, and even in the midst of a storm of anger, the pain laced around her soul can not be shielded from sight.

You see, pain has the skill of taking on forms of other emotions. Sometimes, it appears in wrath, envy, pride, and dare, I say, even happiness. Pain has no bounds, and it will bring you to your knees.

Often, people assume betrayal is the most painful emotion. Those people have yet to truly meet pain. They have perhaps shared a kiss or caress with pain, but they have yet to bare it's full weight upon their souls.

Pain is a disease in it's own right. It's so easy to catch and yet, so hard to rid ourselves of. At times, we are so ashamed to have it that we hide it behind smiles, laughs, and even sage words. It is not a sin to feel pain, but at times, it feels as such. To feel pain sometimes feels as dirty and disgusting as it is to experience wrath or lust.

It's even worse if you are of the male gender. If we cry, we are weak. If we admit we feel pain, we are weak. And if we say our hearts are broken, then we are not man enough. Women often are drawn to emotionally distant men, and when they get hurt by those men, they often blame the man for their pain. But what women fail to realize is that men are the way they are because of the world.

Men get hurt just like women do, sometimes even more. But we are taught and even scolded to keep our emotions within us like a ship in a bottle.

A storm in a bird cage...

Tsking my tongue, I threw my head back and parted my lips as the burning sun shined down upon my sinner's body. It is selfish of any human, Christian, or not to say they are not of sin.

We have all sinned, whether we realize it or not.

And the truth is it is better that we realize we are sinners than it is to believe we are as clean as fresh snow.

Ain't that one of the purest truths...