To Keep You

Fifteen: Olive

If an element lived within my being, then surely it would be water for, I have shed over a thousand tears in my life, most of them still cascade down my cheeks as I watch through tried eyes at Seth's sleeping form. I wanted to shake him and beg him to come back to me, but I suppose he isn't that far away.  

His body may lay only inches away, but his soul might as well be in another world. Holding his hand was not enough for me, I wanted our souls to reconnect like they had only weeks ago, and I crave to feel his eyes upon me. To feel his lips upon my own and to have his hands gingerly caress my skin as if it were the rarest silk in the world.

And he was afraid of ruining it...

It was hardly even noon, and the hospital was already bursting with people, nurses and patients alike. Everyone was always coming and going, I truly wondered if they ever stopped and simply basked in one of life's moments.

If only I had known what events awaited me, I would've stopped and allowed the joyous moments of life to bask within my relationship with Seth. Sighing, I shook my head for however much I wanted a time machine, I could not change the past for God had already chosen the events that filled it. It was hard to trust God in these moments when all I wanted to do was scream and be angry at the world.

When you have what is most important to you stolen from you, the first thing you feel is both anger and grief. Anger because how dare someone else decide that you've had enough time with your soulmate. And grief, because in more ways than one we cannot stop it.

At night, I feel as if I were a wolf for, I find myself crying out to God for help, I know He is near for it is only by His strength that I manage to get out of bed. But at times He feels as close to me as the North Pole is to China. I hate myself for feeling this way for I am a Christian woman, and I should be strong, not weak.

I know if I were a in church, many would tell me to pray more or read my bible more. But what I feel isn't coming from my lack of prayers or bible studies. The moment those men walked through the cabin doors, the devil announced war upon me and my family. He has come to kill and destroy every one of us because we are a threat to him, and he hates it.

The mere air in our lung's chills him to his blackened core...

Sighing, I tucked a piece of golden hair behind my ear, it was just me today visiting Seth. Nakawa, and Lola, being the tenderhearted women they are, offered to watch Rah'chayl so that I may beable to have some private time with Seth without having to tend to her needs.

Without her cradled in my arms, I felt lost and nearly empty for she has been my rock these past few days. Truly without her I would have succumbed to my emotions days ago. I have come to wonder if truly it's her who needs me, and not I, who needs her.

Perhaps we both need each other in ways we cannot express...

As my thoughts began to overtake me like a boat upon stormy waters the sound of the door creaking open thrust me back into the harsh and merciless reality we live in.

For reality has no time to tend to our raw and bloody wounds...

My back was turned towards the door, and so without looking I murmured, "Yes?"

Only the nurses and the maids come to visit Seth, Dean hasn't even come, and so I didn't bother to turn to glance to see who came for truly it was someone I knew.

"Is this Seth Zamuel's room?"

As the man's hoarse voice echoed throughout the small room, my body sprang to life with surprise and as I turned to take in this new man, I was shocked for not a day in my life have I ever seen him before.