To Keep You

Twenty: Malachi

Some look at life and smile with everlasting jubilation. They sing praise for it; they assume that their lives will be filled with ecstasy. I want to be like them; more than anyone will ever know. I want to look towards my future and see a blissful life filled with love, peace, and maybe even happiness. But to do so would be a foolish thing.

In my life, nothing is handed to me; nothing is a guarantee. Not even the right to love...

The brisk air had turned to a bitter cold, and the earth that was once covered in leaves was now hidden beneath a heavy blanket of snow. Thick white clouds were dusted throughout the sky and blocked the sun from sight.

With every exhale of breath, a puff of smoak emerged from my lips. Gripping the edges of my coat, I tried to contain as much warmth as I could as I hauled stack after stack of wooden crates into the back of the truck. Each was filled with some kind of vegetable, fruits, or homemade goods such as candles, food, soap, etc.

It was near high noon, and I'd spent the entire morning stacking crate after crate without so much as a break for a breath of air. It would've been peaceful if a certain elfin, self-willed, petulant, and bewitching female wasn't aiding me in this task.

Cursing softly underneath her breath, Candy hurled yet another crate into the back of the truck before Caleb grabbed them and dragged them to the furthest spot in the bed of the truck to make room for more. It was just the three of us out here, and what should've been a peaceful job was anything but tranquil.

"This. Is. So. Stupid!" Hurling yet another crate into the bed of the truck, Candy stumbled back with a scowl. It wasn't either of our ideas that she helped load the truck, but as I was sneaking out of the house to get her food and clothes, Pa had ordered me to make Candy help.

I wanted to curse him up one side and down the other for the foolish idea, Candy barely had weather appropriate clothes and not even a pair of shoes. She had no business even leaving the shed until I got her shoes. But being the twisted some of a gun he is, he ordered it and now leaned against the front porch, watching us with narrowed eyes.

My eyes skated over Candy's form. She wore a thin white wool dress and a light blue sweater. Her sightly hair was twisted up with a scrap of ripped fabric. However delightful she appeared, I was not blind to the way the clothes hung oddly from her body or how her cheeks were sunken in. She refused to allow Aarons hands anywhere near her body and rebuffed me anytime I asked about how she was feeling.

At times, I wondered if she would rather wither and die than have our hands on her.

We're not all monsters...

On a certain level, I suppose I'm partially to blame with both Candy's undernourishment and her loathing towards us. With Pa's food banned still standing with Candy, it made it near impossible for me to sneak her food. I was only able to sneak her food that could be hidden within the fist of my hand or stuffed in my hat or pocket. Which ended up being on most days' apples, muffins, a piece of bread, etc.

If the punishment of being caught wasn't so dangerous, I might have sought out my brothers for aid. But I couldn't or rather wouldn't even dare drag my brothers into this menacing game I was playing.

And as for Candy's loathing, I was also to be blamed for that. If I hadn't stolen her away from her previous life, maybe God would have allowed us to meet in some other way. However, much I regret the way we met, I will never mourn saving her from the depts of the lake. A siren she may have wanted to be, but I refused to allow the lake to claim her as its own.

Even if I wanted to look away, to turn my back on her that night; I couldn't. Something within me had snapped together like it had been broken without my knowledge. As if this thing within me had come to life and was now drowning within me, I'd nearly lost control of my body as I had run into the frigid water. Thoughts had fled my mind, and my eyes refused to look away from her.