To Keep You

One: Chaya

The foul smell of filthy animals and dirty blood burned through my nose like gasoline to a burning flame. And like a chorus, the sounds of unharmonious birds screeching and deafening blunt force noises raced through my eardrums and echoed around my mind like a ping pong ball bouncing off of walls. Bound together the noises held no tune and couldn't even be considered to be placed in the genre of classical, it was closer to rock, but if I was truly being honest, it sounded more like someone gave a toddler a metal rode and let them loose on a set of drums.

My ears were ringing, my head felt as if it could explode with the littlest of noise, while my throat felt as if someone had forcefully poured a bucket of muddy water down my throat and the water was pooling in my dry lungs. I was practically choking on sand when my eyes fluttered open, and I reckon this was one of the worst headaches I've ever had.

With every flutter of my eyes, it felt as if someone was squeezing my brain or if I was being truthful, it felt as if someone was pounding my head with a hammer, over and over again mercilessly. My eyes were blurry, but as I laid on my back, I wondered if I was dead. Perhaps that strange dream truly was real, and I was dead. I wanted it to be true more than I wanted to breathe. Life was my prison, and death is my freedom. There is nothing left for me here, I have lived, and now it's time for me to pass over.

I could feel my body filling with pain as a vase would of water. As I struggled to breathe, I knew my time was near, for when my lungs opened to welcome air in, it felt as if my chest was collapsing. The feeling of brokenness in my ribs could not be ignored, and darkness filled the edges of my eyes, I was barely able to see through them.

God seemed to have removed my strength from me, for I felt paralyzed, and I wondered if these were my final moments on earth. Truly, I had many regrets, to my kind Aunt Joe, I wished I hugged you a little tighter and thanked you for giving up your life for me. If I could go back in time, I would thank you until I could not utter another word for at the time, I did not realize just how much you were protecting me from.

To my tough teddy bear, Ryder, I wished we had met sooner for three years was far to sort for our love story. If I knew how our love would end, then I would've kissed you a little more and made sure you knew that my love for you ran deeper than the oceans of the world.

And finally, my sweet, innocent Oliver, you didn't deserve the life that was given to you. I wished I could have known just what kind of pain you were in, and I wished God would have cursed me with it and not you. I wished I could've given you the world, and I wished I could've given you more time.

Even a second more just to hold you a little tighter... to love you a little longer...

The longer I thought, the more painful it became to breathe, and I was fine with it, for I knew soon enough I would be reunited with the only four people who ever loved me. I felt oddly calm and even though I began to feel light hands touching my body I did not scream for I didn't care who they belonged to, for in mere moments my soul will have escaped it's worldly prison, my body.

"You're awake, I was beginning to think I might have to take you to an actual hospital." A voice as soft as the tide in the ocean filled my ears, and I felt strange for not being alarmed by the unfamiliar man's voice. But my body was calmer than a teenager with anxiety, and I felt as if I had consumed an enter bottle of benzodiazepine pills.

How strange, I felt as if I was floating in space...

My tongue was laxed and so I couldn't even find the strength from within me to speak, my eyes were so blurry they could only make out the figure of a tall and well-built man as he loomed over my weak body. His fingers were gently touching the skin around my ribs, not in an inappropriate manner but as if he was truly just feeling for something, like a doctor would.