To Keep You

What Once Was Mine

Stella's P.O.V

The walls were a light blue with grey trim. There was a single window in the small room, and it was open; the white lace curtains that were sheer blew softly in the wind. A dresser sat off to the side of the room, shoved up against one of the four walls. While a rocking chair sat silently in the corner. The room smelt of baby powder and earthly scents, no dubitably flowing in from the window and being carried in on the wind.

A circular wooden crib sat in the center of the room, only inches from the open window.

As if I were a statue, my body was struck with air, and I fumbled upon the ground. My body was thrust into a kneeling position, one where my right knee was bent upwards while my left was tucked underneath me. The palms of my hands were practically glued to the wooden floor while my head was bent and my chin resting softly upon my chest. My hair was held by no bounds, and like a shield, concealed my face from the drafty room.

My lips parted, and light pants escaped from deep within my lungs. The very bones within my frail body felt as if God himself took hold of them and shook them relentlessly.

I was cold, lost, and most importantly, alone. I didn't know why I was zigzagging from one place to another. Yet here I kneeled in another unknown and strange place. My eyes slowly drifted up, and with them, I stood cautiously for I did not know if this was just a room, or a place haunted with ghosts.

Overtaking the room with my eyes, confusion rose within me. For how I could go from a school to a military base, and now to a nursery of shorts. I felt like a rag doll being jerked in all different directions.

Feeling compelled to journey further into the room, I cocked my head to the side and swiftly turned towards the dresser. I reached it in barely five steps and shamelessly began to fiddle with the meaningless trinkets upon its surface.

Huddled together upon the dresser were three stuffed animals, they ranged in size from big to small. The biggest was a goose wearing a blue bonnet, while she held a storybook between her wings. Then there was a teddy bear, its fur was brown, and its eyes were made from black buttons.

Unable to resist the urge, my hand lifted, and I gingerly stroked its plush fur. I haven't touched a teddy bear in nearly nine years. Once upon a time, I had many toys. Dolls with pretty hair and silk dresses. Stuffed animals, from plush ducks to lions. But out of those useless toys, there was a teddy bear that I cherished above everything. I had so childishly named it Edgar, and every day around noon, I would have tea with him. Then I would sneak into Anaana's room to steal her comb so I could brush Edgar's fur. Every week, I would walk down the street to the fabric store and steal a ribbon for him.

But like the sun, nothing can shine forever.

After making yet another usual trip to the fabric store to buy my dearest teddy bear a new ribbon, I was caught stealing. Not wanting to involve the police, the older woman who owned the store took me by the hand and dragged me down the street to my house. There was nothing my six-year-old body could do to escape the rather strong older woman. So, as I stumbled down the street after her, my head hung sullenly, for I knew the fate that awaited me was wrathful and thirsty for only blood.

The blood of my happiness...

After thoroughly explaining my theft to Anaana, the shop owner left me in the care of Satan. Oh, I'm sorry, I meant Anaana.

As punishment for my crimes, I was forced to sit and watch as Anaana took a pair of scissors to Edgar. First, she just cut holes in his velvet fur, then she cut off his ears and ripped out his button eyes.

My lungs have never burned as painful as they did that day when I pleaded and screamed for her to stop murdering the only friend I ever had. The mere sound of my voice encouraged her to continue her murderous rampage. Soon enough, Edgar had no legs or arms. He was merely a head and a body without limbs.

To this day, I remember the evilness in Ananna's eyes as she turned to me and pinned me with her eyes before cutting off Edgar's head. And there through my innocent eyes, I watched as the last ounces of Edgar fell to the ground to be reconnected with the pile of stuffing that was once him.

Tsking my tongue, I shook my head and jerked my hand away. It would be useless of me to take a stroll down memory lane. Believe it or not, that is one of the only good memories I have of Anaana. However harsh and loveless she was in that cruel moment; was child's play to what her anger could lead her to do. In a strange sense, I thank her for destroying Edgar. She taught me that friends don't last and are not worth my time. Because of her murderous act, I never played with another toy from that day on. Her actions showed me that love is not to be handed out like candy. It needs to be guarded and locked away. And anyone who tries to steal it must be destroyed.

Whether psychical or mentally....

Sighing, I lazily tossed my head to the side and caught sight of the crib that laid only feet away. My eyes narrowed, and as curious as a cat, I prowled up to it like a predator would do to prey.

Gripping the edges of the crib, I peered into it, and the very air within my lungs caught in my throat as a pair of doe eyes peered up at me. They were as innocent as they came, and helplessly, my eyes were captured by the small baby.

His chestnut hair was shaggy, and his cheeks were puffy like a chipmunk. A blue blanket shielded his body from the world. And as I stared cautiously down upon him, I wondered why I was locked in a room with a child.

This might as well be my own personal hell...

As if reading my mind, the baby to whom was a boy. Began to lightly cry and panic overthrow me as I rushed to gingerly caress his soft cheek with the back of my fingers.

I didn't know how to treat him; he was too innocent for my sinful hands to even be touching. If only he was as bloodied as I am, then I would know how to treat him. But no, God had to throw me into a room with a baby.

"How sad." I murmured as I felt pathic in this moment. Even though I hate to realize it, I'm a mere child myself, and yet I do not know how to be a child.

"You poor thing, you have no idea what awful world God has just brought you into."

Many say to find the good in the world. To see the light in the darkness; find the gold in the rust. I dare those people to say those things after they have had a snake wrapped around their necks, slowly suffocating them. To have the very devil himself pinning them to the ground and to have your innocents ripped from your body as if you never had it.

Truth be told, there is no good in this world and never will be. Darkness cloaks this world, and everyone seems just fine to put on their shades and to pretend that there is still good within the walls of this world.

As if fire touched my soul, my eyes sliced down the towards the now sleeping child.

"My advice, little one, use people to get what you want and then toss them aside as if they meant nothing to you, do it before they do it to you."