Perfect Disaster-Charles Leclerc

twenty

"Max..."

 Her faint voice goes straight to my heart, I'm inches behind her and give up that little distance to catch her in my arms before she falls. Lau brings a hand in front of her mouth and I try in vain to call her name repeatedly while in the background Carlos, the only rational one perhaps, calls the ambulance guys 

"I'll take care of putting her on the stretcher" I say confidently, perhaps without thinking 

"we'll meet you at the hospital Max, go with her" 

he tries to show Laura the way, not with much success, while I continue to watch her helplessly. If hell exists this is part of it. I saw her green eyes scared, hurt, dull, needing to find that safe haven out of that car. Why the fuck did she leave? Why was she so far from the track? Why didn't she wait for me? Why, why why. If this is the last time I see her, that I see her green eyes, I won't stand for it. I have to keep calm for her, for Lau, Carlos but above all for me. It is her light breathing that gives me the calm I need, she breathes softly, her pulse is strong against my hand and as long as she is there I am calmer. I really need to have her in my life at the moment, I have fallen in love as I have before, maybe that is why I do not want to leave her, why I would forgive her anything, why the more I look at her the more beautiful I find her, why I would go to Bologna and stay there for life because that is where I met her and that is where I began to lose a little of myself in her, where I began to try to understand her, comprehend her and admire her for the strong girl she is.

"You have to give us some space max..." 

My white sweatshirt is slightly smeared with dust from the impact, when they take it off to check her values they hand it to me and I shake it in my hands, it didn't bring her the luck it was supposed to. That was the sweatshirt I had at her game, my favourite, the one that fits her like a redbull shirt for sleeping. I move and am the first one out of the ambulance to make sure they can help her and bring her back to me, I take her hand for the last few feet before entering the ER ward

 "april, please"

 is the only thing I can whisper, the only thing I can say before I leave her in the hands of the doctors standing helpless in the middle of the hallway, not knowing what to say or do. I am a boy made of fear, my soul half-full and my heart full of trembling for her. And it is at that moment that the tears begin to fall slowly down my face on which the lines of the helmet after the ride are still visible. 

"Max." The hand on my shoulder makes me turn, it's Carlos. If he asks me what they said in the ambulance I'd have no idea, all I know is that the various are stable for now. 

"Come and wait with us," 

he takes my arm and almost forces me to the walk, leading me behind the ER doors, out of the ward, almost the whole paddock is sitting in those chairs.  She's come to two grand prix and already everyone loves her, cares about her, so much so that they pack everything up and come running, that's the strength of that girl. 

"Carlos, how are you?" 

Leclerc's voice makes me dizzy all of a sudden, I feel my hands burn, my eyes open wide, anger coursing through my veins, I decrease the distance between me and him in a second and grab him by the collar of his sweatshirt, leaving mine on the chair, on the way to the hospital I put on my white one, the one she had, I needed to feel her close. I slam it against the wall 

"what the fuck did you say to her this time? I'm sure it's your fault she walked out of paddock during a race"

 I growl, pulling out of my teeth and heart. He had made it clear