Perfect Disaster-Charles Leclerc

twenty four

"Where were you?"

 Max's voice fills my ears and he rests his hands on my hips, I take a breath and turn to look at him 

"at carlos" 

"I asked you not to cross Charles again"

 I close my eyes for a second and take a breath, he didn't even look at my face today and I don't even know what I did to him, he walked out of that hotel and everything seemed normal: our hatred, our constant defiance, annoyance, we were us and instead today everything was different, his eyes were tired, defeated, the only action he took in front of me was biting a snack Andrea gave him, which was unusual, but given his pale face it was normal. His order to share the box as long as I was there. A small hollow made its way into my chest and it hurt strangely. I thought by losing that diary everything was over instead it was just the beginning. 

"April, don't make me make you choose between me or him" 

"you need to get in the car, good qualifications" 

I don't even look at him, when he tries to kiss me I move away. I decide my life, not him. I decide who I talk to, stay with, live with, I decide if I still want to look for the good in leclerc, not him.

 "Hello mum?" 

My fingers typed her number without making me participate, but it is actually her I wanted to hear: I need my best friend, my mum. I need her, who will always be there even if I have my head ups, even if she sometimes ignores me while I'm talking, she who loves me just the way I am, she who knows everything about me, what I'm thinking and most of all what's going on. I don't like how possessive max is becoming, assertive

. "April, talk to me... what's going on? Are you OK?" 

"Why am I not OK, mum? I was the one who built me up like this.." I feel the tears make space between my eyes 

"why aren't you fine? April, I don't know if max is the right one, but I do know that if you feel tight, you need to get some air, some space" 

"what if I make a mistake and when I come back he's not there?" 

"Then it wasn't him" it all seems so easy with her there with me, it seems like everything has a solution when it doesn't 

"I came by to clean your house you haven't been in for a few weeks looking for a house in san francesco, another tulip came: it's green today."

 I smile slightly under the sea of tears that's pouring down, I thought it was max, but when he yelled into the phone to find out who it was I realised it was definitely not him.

 "Can I ask you something mum?" she remains silent and waits for me to continue

 "everyone always envied me, but I never understood why. How many times have they treated me badly because I was what they would never be, but why? I have nothing special, I am ordinary and I find boyfriends not always recommendable however lovable." 

"You have everything to envy april. You're good at sports, you're good at school, you're beautiful and not because you're my daughter, you're smart, you're determined, you're sunny, you have a family that loves you and is united, you want something and you take it, you're talented, you're a girl who works her head off, you're humble, you're stronger than you think. You are a thousand other things. You're special Ap, like no other girl I know"

 I know she doesn't say that because I'm her daughter, she never spared anything when I deserved it, when she thought it. 

"I have to go" I pull up with my nose, I see max squaring me, from the moment those flowers arrived he's complete different