Lipad-Alapaap (Girlhood Series #3)

11

I went to Northwestern University the following day. Before going here, I bought him a brunch from Italianni's. Nag-grab lang ako papunta sa BGC at papunta sa nasa kung saan man siya dahil hindi naman ako marunong pa magmaneho at wala rin akong student license o driver's license dahil sixteen pa lang ako. Maybe I should tell my Kuya to teach me how to drive?

I texted Esteban that I am waiting for him in the field. In this place, I wouldn't mind if I would wait for him for hours. For some reason, the sight of athletes doing their stretches, and some students who are sitting next to each other enjoying their company brought me comfort. Ang saya-saya pagmasdan ng mga tao pati ang mga bagay na ginagawa nila. O baka kaya ganito ang nararamdaman ko, kasi wala naman akong routine na ginagawa. Kung ano lang maisipan kong gawin sa araw na 'yon, okay na 'yon sa akin.

"Kanina ka pa rito?"

Wala siyang pasabing tumabi sa akin kaya hindi ko na naman maintindihan 'yung nararamdaman ko. Love and sorrow were being stirred inside my chest, it reached my stomach that now felt sick.

I looked at my watch to answer his question. "Siguro 1 hour."

"Sorry, kakagising ko lang. Pagkabasa mo ng message mo, rumekta agad ako rito."

It was not the apology I was expecting. I wanted him to apologize for what he did to me yesterday. Every time that event pops unsolicitedly inside my mind, it never failed to give torture to my heart. I decided to stay silent because I am hurt, and he was doing nothing about it.

"Bakit gusto mong makipag-meet?" tanong niya naman.

Hindi ko maiwasang matawa, ngunit punong-puno iyon ng sarkasmo. Kunot-noo siyang tumingin sa'kin na para bang hindi niya nagustuhan ang reaksyon ko.

"Ba't naman ganyan sagot mo? Ang ayos-ayos kong nagtatanong."

My eyes wanted to scream out of disbelief. "Nakalimutan mo na ata 'yung ginawa mo sa'kin kahapon, Esteban. Pinagmukha mo akong tanga. Take note ha, nahagip pa 'yon sa live."

"Bakit ka ba kasi nanood pa kahapon? Pinapunta kita? Alam mo naman na hindi tayo okay, pumunta ka pa rin. Anong gusto mong gawin ko?" siya pa ang naiinis ngayon! "Gusto mo mag-thank you ako? Thank you, Gianna ha. Okay na?"

I couldn't believe what I just heard that my jaw fell. I wasn't even wanting him to appreciate my effort of going to his game. What I wanted was for him to only acknowledge his mistake.

"Tingin mo ba na tama 'yung ginawa mo sa akin? We are each other's lover." my voice broke as tears streamed down from my eyes. "You don't do that to the girl you love, Esteban."

Hindi ko mawari kung naintindihan niya ba ang huli kong sinabi dahil iyak na ako nang iyak pagkatapos no'n. He didn't even dare to touch my hand or to hug me for the sake of giving me comfort. Maybe I was wrong that I told him he loved me. Maybe he didn't love me and the feelings he have for me that I thought was deep is not something serious for him. Masakit, dahil para sa'kin, seryoso ito lahat. I never gave anyone a half-assed love. I believe everyone is entitled to receive something genuine. I started questioning the universe if I am deserving of it too.

"Alam mo, Gianna, hindi naman 'to lahat mangyayari kung hindi mo ako ginhost after may mangyari sa'tin," kalmado niyang paliwanag, ngunit bakas dito ang inis. "Anong iisipin ko no'n? Na hindi ako magaling? Na may mali sa ginawa ko?"

I was sad that he was making the situation all about him. How about me? How about the pain and sorrow he caused me? Those were the questions trying to escape from my lips. I never had the courage to release those questions because I was busy hurting. I hated the fact that I am known as someone who is palaban in school, but I couldn't even fight for myself in this situation. Esteban was making me something I am not — a coward.