Lipad-Alapaap (Girlhood Series #3)

3

It was one Friday night when Esteban and I decided to stay on Discord. Surprisingly, I wasn't out with my friends in a bar to have some drinks and get wasted.

"Ilan ex mo?" tanong niya sa'kin.

"Isa lang. Actually, kaka-break lang namin after New Year." tumawa ako.

It has only been two weeks since I became a free agent. I harkened back to the days where I was in the dilemma of breaking up with my ex or staying in the relationship. I wanted to stay because I was afraid that I might never find somebody great as him. He was kind, and he exactly knew how to put a smile on my lips during the times that I was drowning in blue. He knew how to console me during my downfalls. But the fact that our relationship is no longer making me happy overlaps with the fact that he's such a good boyfriend.

"So, recent lang kayo nag-break?" takang tanong niya.

"Yeah."

"Okay salamat sa lahat." umasta siyang mag-leave sa call. "Anyway, bakit kayo nag-break?"

"Na-fall out of love ako," sagot ko. "Alam mo 'yung isang araw, nagising ka na lang bigla na ayaw mo na. Noong una, akala ko phase lang. Pero ilang buwan na tumagal, talagang ramdam ko pa rin 'yung pagkasawa."

"Hindi 'yan true love, buddy."

I gave him a weird look. Kahit naman nagsawa ako sa ex ko, alam ko sa sarili kong tunay 'yung binigay kong pagmamahal do'n. He was the first guy who made me feel things—from butterflies, chest pains to headaches.

"One year and four months kami. Paano 'yon naging hindi true love?" taka kong tanong.

"Oh, akala ko saglit lang kayo."

Inayos ko ang pagkakaupo ko mula sa kama ko bago muling magsalita. "Alam mo, Esteban, long-term ang hanap ko sa relationships. I mean, oo, masayang makipag-kilala, masayang makipag-date for experiences, pero once na nag-commit ako, nakikita ko 'yon as long-term."

Nakakapagod kasing ilagay 'yung sarili mo sa sitwasyon kung saan mag-iinvest ka ng oras at effort, tapos in the end, masasaktan ka lang din pala. It's a never-ending process in love.

Bata pa ako, pero ayokong pagurin 'yung sarili ko sa laro ng pagmamahal. Kaya sana, kung sinoman ang magiging pangalawa kong nobyo, siya na talaga hanggang huli.

"Gano'n naman talaga dapat, 'di ba?" he said.

"True!" I laughed. "What about you?"

"Well, may ex akong four years," aniya sa'kin. "Nag-break kami kasi nagka-toxican kami. Tangina kasi rin no'n, lintek sa pagka-possessive amputa."

"Gagi, pareho ata tayo ng ex eh!" tumawa ako. "Well, yeah, my ex was kind, pero ang lala rin ng pagka-possessive. Tuwing umiinom ako, galit siya! Tapos ang dami niya ring say sa mga sinusuot ko! Ayaw ba naman na nag-ssleeveless ako at maiksing shorts?!"

"Got you, buddy." he winked. "'Wag kang mag-alala kasi hindi ako possessive. Na-outgrow ko na kasi 'yung ganiyan kong trait. Na-realize kong sobrang mali."

Napangiti ako. Nakakatuwa lang talaga kapag binibigyan ka ng assurance tapos hindi ka naman nanghihingi.

"That's good to hear. At least nag-grow ka. 'Yun ang mahalaga," tugon ko.

Maaga akong nagising kinabukasan. Nakita ko si Kuya na mag-isang nagtetraining ng Taekwondo sa garahe kaya naman napagdesisyunan kong sumama sa kaniya. Sabay kaming nag-taekwondo ni Kuya dati, kaso nga lang, siya lang 'yung talagang nag-enjoy at ginawang career ang pagiging atleta.