Love Me Enough To Hurt Me

Chapter 5: Consequences

 The forty-eight hours had passed; it was now Nailani's release day, and she had no idea where she would go. She couldn't go home; she didn't talk to her family since her grandmother passed away, who was really the only family she had left. She had a session with Dr. Robin before she was going to be able to be released. Dr robin had her keep a journal, and she found it helpful to write her thoughts down. As she walks into Dr. Robin's office, she sits in the chair she sits in for each session.

"How are you, Nailani?" Dr robin asks

"I'm better; I think I can start to deal with my demons now."

"I'm glad you now feel like you have the tools to move past the pain; I'd like to share some news with you before you leave."

"What is it

"First, here is a list of other counselors; I think you should continue therapy. I do not think you need to be on antidepressants, but continuing with therapy will be beneficial for you." Dr. Robin says Nailani took the list but is confused. She didn't want a new counselor.

"Why can't I continue with you," Nailani asked.

I was unaware you wanted to continue, but we can work something out before you leave today."

"Okay," Nailani says, relieved. "so what's the news besides you trying to ship me to a new doctor' Nailani says jokingly.

"Well, some tests were run at the hospital. When you first get here, it turns out that you are with child. According to the results, you are about ten weeks along."

Nailani's mouth goes dry, and she can't think of any words to say as tears pierce her eyes. She goes through many emotions upon hearing the news, joy, disbelief, and fear. Finally, Nailani was mortified with herself; she had tried to kill herself, putting her baby in harm. As the realization hit her, she let the tears fall down her face and couldn't hold back her sobs. She couldn't believe it; she was deeply ashamed. Dr. Robin let Nailani have her cry before asking her a few questions.

"Have you been feeling fatigue or nausea lately or headaches?" Dr. Robin asks

"I've felt drained lately, But I thought that was due to the depression, and I get headaches almost every other week lately."

"Are you sure I'm really pregnant?" Nalani asks

"The results are here; there is a copy to take with you. But I have to ask, how are you feeling?"

"I didn't think I would be able to get pregnant again, so a part of me is overjoyed, but the other part of me is so ashamed and angry at myself. I could have hurt my baby, which would be my fault, just like last time."

"Now, Nailani, I read the report. The loss of your daughter was not your fault."

"Tell that to my conscience and family."

"I can tell you until the sky turns blue, but you must believe it yourself."

"How can I?" Nailani asks, "I blame me. My family blames me."

"You are not at fault, and the rest, we will work on that during our sessions," Dr. Robins says

"So, you'll keep me as a client."

"Of course," Dr. Robin said

"I asked my husband for a divorce, and now I have to tell him I'm pregnant," Nailani burst out.

Still crying, she started to laugh and sob at the same time.

"How will I tell him we are having a baby? He's gonna hate me."