Arranged To Be His 🩵

Chapter 13

Manik's pov

"You have tendencies to hurt yourself?" I ask her

"Can I be honest?" She asks looking at me

"Always" I reply caressing her arm

"Mhm yeah, I have been better the past year but mhm well you see there were times when I would not know how to stop these voices in my head and it got to the point where I laid in bed for days because I didn't know what to do or say. It was like I was having a conversation in my head but I wasn't in reality I was jsut laying silent I guess"

Oh my gosh, what the hell has she gone through, I am not one with emotions but fuck, she can't, how, goddd

"Have you told your mom about this?" I ask her

"No god no, she already worries so much about me, she even cries when I get hurt so I didn't wanna worry her" she smiles at me

"Have you been to a therapist maybe?" she shakes her head at me

"I am not crazy" she whispers, her eyes leaving mine

"I didn't say you were, therapists are really good to talk through things with, it helps putting things in perspective and trying to makes sense of emotions"

"No, I am already an absolute menace to this society and I was not going to further hurt my mom by doing whatever so no I didn't. And I dont' want you to either, don't mention this to anyone, especially my mom"

"I won't, this is between you and I" I tell her

"It's nice talking to you" she whispers, her nose moves a bit as if she was trying not to cry

"Lay back" I tell her

She does what she is told like the good girl she is on occasions haha, no actually she is a sweet girl but that mouth, she runs it like she owns everyhting and fuck, I want her to own this world

i grabbed some ointment from the corner and sit by her feet, I gently massage it in as her eyes close as the relief takes over her. i cover her with the blanket so the warm and cold ointment can work while I washed my hands

there was no fucking way I am going to let her father off the hook for the shit he put my girl though, it's fucked up to do that, shit man. This doesn't even feel like half the stuff she went through

"Manik" she whispers when I step outside the bathroom

"Yeah" I look at her

"Can you please turn the lights off" she asks

"Of course" I whisper flicking them off before I get in bed beside her

She didn't move, to a single movement, nor were her eyes closed but that head of hers was going a million miles an hour, I could tell

"I have these voices in my head" she whispers and no she wasn't shut talking to me, she was talking to herself too so I didn't interrupt her

"It's a defence mechanism, I mhm I do it so I won't hurt myself. It's so I know I have someone right here with me, someone who can let me talk to them, let to explain my feelings" her voice changes a bit

I turn to my right side and hold my head up using my hand and elbow. her eyes were open as she stares at the ceiling. I move my hand cautiously placing it on her chin.

My thumb rests on her jawline while my fingers wrap around her neck as I caress her jaw gently making her look at me. She doesn't say anything, doesn't show anything but inches closer to me.

"Your eyes, they make me wanna speak out my emotions, my feelings to you but this" she touches my lips

"This scares me" she whispers caressing my bottom lip with her pointer finger