show me yours | matty healy

chapter thirty

August 22nd 2016

"Tom?"

Tommie looks up slowly at Jamie as he stands across the tour bus from her. She knows that tone, he's breaking bad news to her.

"Jamie..?"

"Um, a letter came to the Dirty Hit office in London for you."

"We're in Japan."

He nods, "I know. It came a couple weeks ago. I just... didn't know when the best time would be to give it to you."

She nods and gets up from the settee to take it, "We've stopped for the day off, the guys are down the front waiting."

Her breath hitches as she turns it over, she recognises the messy writing and spelling mistakes right away.

A letter from her father.

She stares at it a few more moments, until she can hear her name being called down the other end of the bus, then she grabs her jacket and shoves the letter into the pocket.

"Come on, Matty's getting impatient." Adam tells her, arm around her shoulder as he tugs her along.

"Uh, where we going?"

"He wants to take that speed train he saw a youtube video about, then go to some arcade because he saw a video on how to hack the claw machines."

She nods, "Uh, I'm gonna stay back, I'll meet you guys later, send me your address..."

"You sure? You alright?"

She nods, "Just, didn't sleep well last night, and I can feel a migraine coming on."

"Do you want me to st-"

"I think alone time will be best," She says, "Peace and quiet to get rid of it."

He nods in agreement, "Okay, I'll grab you those little chocolate snacks you liked in the seven eleven."

"Thank you, Ads."

She heads back into the bus, closing the curtain of her bunk and flicking her little night light on to read the letter.

Dear Caroline,

I have tried reaching out to you but your number doesn't work any more.

I'm clean.

I met a new woman, I divorced the now ex-wife and then I met Iris, a lovely woman from up North who opened my eyes. She set me on the course to sobriety, we had a baby, back in 2013, December, a little girl, you have a sister. She's beautiful, I would say she looks like you but you're all your mother. I cant take any responsibility for the woman you've become. I'm going to be honest, I didn't want to do this. I've been seeing you on the news and watched some of your performances on the BBC. You look happy, you're doing well, I don't want to ruin that. But Iris encouraged me to reach out. Iris believes that every young girl needs a father figure in her life. I couldn't be it for you all those years ago, but I'm hoping there's a chance I can be now.

Please, get in touch, I'd love for you to meet your sister.

All my love, dad

She clutches the letter, doesn't realise she's crying- no, sobbing- until the curtains and ripped open with the furrowed brows of Matty looking down at her.

"Baby?"

"M-Matt-"

He's sitting beside her pulling her into his arms right away, lips to her hairline, "What's wrong, Baby?"

He closes the curtain around them, shutting out the bright lights, "Is it too bright? Too noisy?" He lowers his voice and she shakes her head moving the letter to his hand.