show me yours | matty healy

chapter forty-seven

August 29th, 2016

The bruise on her cheek can't be hidden, the outline of her father's hand a constant reminder of the weight she bears on her shoulders. Luckily the guys aren't here and the meal they were supposed to be having was pushed back. Gabby had helped her with that. Telling them all that she was ill and wanted to be left alone.

That's why Tommie is confused when she hears the familiar coded knock that Matty had made up and forced everyone to do before they entered the flat. Keys jingle in the door and it opens to allow light in from the hallway.

"Tommie?"

She purses her lips and sinks lower into the sofa, part of her hopes he'll leave, that he'll think she's not sure. But then his steps get closer and begin to round the kitchen counter. She closes her eyes, makes sure her cheek is pushed into her arm curled around a pillow and waits.

"Tom?"

The sofa dips as Adam lowers himself onto it, "Tommie. Wake up, come on."

"Go away."

"Gabby said you weren't feeling well. You alright?"

"Fine."

"I know where you went, you know."

She slowly peels one eye open to look up at him, "You do?"

"You made the mistake of telling the worst secret keeper in the world where you were going."

She groans and shoves her face into the pillow, he can faintly hear a 'bloody nan' from the muffled cushion.

"How did it go?" She remains with her face shoved into the pillow and suddenly Adam is fifteen years old again, catching the train to Wales after his ten year old cousin has called screaming and crying for him to save her. He remembers that day in so much detail. The way she couldn't breathe over the phone, the whispered breaths so her father who was passed out in the other room couldn't hear her. Her grandparents and mother had been away for a family wedding that said no kids. She was alone, with no one.

"Tommie?"

She finally gives in and turns her face, he winces the moment he sees the purple mark. "Oh, Tommie."

"I don't wanna talk about it, okay?"

Adam places his hand on her shoulder, rubbing up and down her arm. He can see the tears welling up in her eyes.

"To-"

"Why can't he just love me?"

The moment the first tear falls a whole wave follows and she's a sobbing mess as she clutches onto his hand. He drops to his knee in front of the sofa, hand cupping her face to wipe away her tears. "He loves JJ, and Juliet, why can't he love me? I-I stalked his wife, he's such a good dad to them. Why couldn't he be that for me? Do you know how many of my footy matches he missed? Do you know how many school plays he promised to be at and never showed up? How many parents' evenings he missed? How many birthdays, christmases... He's been at every single one for that little brat."

"Who gives a shit?" Adam says and her cries stop, knocked out of her from her shock at this new side of him. "Look at yourself, Tommie. You are an amazing woman, with people who care about you and turn up for you, you don;t need to worry about daddy deadbeat. I bet his life is miserable, I bet his wife hates him and he'll give up eventually because he's too lazy to break the cycle, he always has been. You know this."

He helps her to sit up and wraps his arms around her, "You're not alone, Tommie. I'm here."