Until Death - Red Dead Redemption II

Act XI: What's Your Problem

Finally took Jack down to that parlor in Saint Denis. Learned about it almost a year ago. It didn't disappoint in the slightest. A part of me feels weak. How easily I find myself crumbling when Jack gets mad or unhappy with me. I've never cared so much for someone's opinion. I didn't even care about Mary's thoughts about me this much and we were engaged.

I find myself drawing him quite often. At this time I have 7 different drawings of him in various places and positions. If he ever read through this journal he'd probably be a bit spooked. Maybe even a bit disgusted.

His name however does bother me. It's a wonderful title for him but having the same name as little Jack is quite uncomfortable. So I've just been referring to the kid as just "Kid" as much as possible, makes things less complicated. Speaking of Kid I took him fishing with us. He's a bright one for sure, I was never this excitable as a little feller. I reckon he'll go on to do better things than robbing and murdering.  Jack liked Kid too, they seemed to get along swell.

Don't think I'll ever want kids. I'm not the fatherly type but I do enjoy being around a kid once in a while. The way kids haven't had the weight of life crush their souls is refreshing. It's nice to talk to someone who doesn't have any issues, even if it's a child.

I can feel Dutch starting to pull away from me. Or rather push me away. He doesn't greet me when I come to camp anymore, he doesn't smile when he's sees me like he used to. I don't know why and it's starting to bother me. All the fellas at camp have all but abandoned me, they don't even look in my direction. Hosea is an exception however. I don't think I could ever get on his bad side.

Marston - Won't speak to me.
Dutch - Only speaks to me when he needs to.
Hosea - Still on the same page with him.
Sean - Speaks to me but I don't want him to.
Lenny - Haven't seen him in weeks.
Bill - Won't speak to me.
Charles - Speaks to me but only around others.
Micah - Looks like he wants to kill me.
Uncle - Drunk as ever. Doesn't seem to notice me.
Strauss - Looks unamused at my mere presence.
Josiah - Won't speak to me.
Duffy - Speaks to me but again only around others.
Reverend - Looks half scared of me.

The girls are all acting the same though. Mrs. Adler is being particularly kind to me as of late. I don't know what I did but it seems like everyone here can't palate me. It's like I killed someone or something other. I did notice that when I'm around Abigail seems to keep Kid in their tent. Tried to talk to the little feller about what he was up to. Attempting to be kind for once. He was picking some sort of flowers. Abigail appeared out of nothing and swooped the kid up before I could say another word.

I don't understand. And I don't know what to do.

Arthur closed his journal. Neatly placing it back into his satchel as he wandered into camp once more. Jack was cutting firewood, working up a violent sweat. He's not a member of this gang but it doesn't hurt to help around a bit, it's the least he can do in return for the shelter they gave him.

Arthur stood up from his cot and walked into camp. As usual, everyone ignored him. Some people even glared at him. As his blood began to run cold he got mad. This was foolish. He wants to know what's going on and Dutch better tell. He can't withstand another minute of this underhanded hatred.

Arthur stormed up to the man and stood firm.
"Dutch. What's the deal goddamnit. Why is everyone being so sour!?" Dutch looked surprised at Arthur's outburst but not entirely unprepared.
"What the hell you talkin' bout Arthur?!" Dutch shouted back. Others in the camp now watching this altercation as the two stared at one another.
"Don't be a fool you and everyone else have been givin' me the cold shoulder for days!"

Dutch knew what he wanted to say but he didn't want to say it. However with Arthur growing increasingly angered and demanding for an explanation he's left Dutch without any choice.
"You really fixin' to know?" Dutch barked.
"Tell me damnit!" Dutch looked angered and scoffed before responding,
"You're a waste, Arthur. Spendin' all your time foolin 'round with that boy! When was the last time you helped any of us!? I raised you. I don't know what has gotten into you but it's not the Arthur we know." Arthur stood entirely still.

Jack looked on as he started to grow angered at Dutch as the man continued to ramble, "Mary was one thing, at least she was normal! Not only are you abandoning the gang, but you've begun an affair with some boy?! It ain't natural! You think any of us wanna be around you when you're doing god knows what every day? For all we know you're covered in some guy's seed! Or more accurately that guy's!" Dutch pointed an accusing finger towards Jack who stood angered and silent. Unsure of what to say in the slightest.

"You were like a father to me. Is that really all it took to completely toss me as anyone of value?" Arthur asked, not angered. Just defeated. Completely and utterly defeated.
"That's what I'm talkin' bout! The Arthur we know wouldn't let somethin' like this slide. The Arthur I raised would have socked me in the jaw! The Arthur we know would have had some sort of gall!" Dutch looked around at the camp, everyone staring with their mouths hung agape.

Beginning to feel as though this could get ugly, Dutch began to talk calmly. Looking at Arthur when he asked, "Why you wasting yourself on Jack? Can't ya see he's ruining you?"

"Just because you're miserable doesn't mean I need to be too! And keep his name out of your goddamn mouth!" Arthur curled his fist. Nearly breaking his fingers as he tightened his grip in frustration.
"It's us. Or him." Dutch announced. Arthur paused in his place. Unable to even fathom abandoning either choice, Jack had made him happier than a kid in a candy shop. He's kind. Understands the man. And the gang had raised him since he was knee-high to a grasshopper.
"Are you really givin' me some ultimatum Dutch?!" Arthur yelled, the man looking on with nothing in his eyes besides sadness.

"You really strugglin' to pick between your family and some queer?!" Micah shouted from behind Arthur.
"What'd you say?" Arthur flicked his head around. Looking directly at Micah who stood a bit frightened at Arthur as he moved towards him.
"Look at him he's nothin' but a Nancy." Arthur turned around once more to face Dutch. However, Jack wasn't taking this lying down, marching right up to Micah.
"You wanna say it to my face old man?" Jack asked, looking into Micah's soul as he waited for some sort of response. "That's what I figured," Jack said under his breath, walking away from the man who stood unable to speak it seemed. But more likely he was a bit intimidated by the aggression. Jack actually having an inch above Micah in height.

Arthur looked around. Gazing upon everyone's judgmental looks and expressions. He felt nothing but disgust being thrown at him, enough judgment to kill him. As he took a deep breath Arthur grabbed Jack's hand, taking everyone by surprise as he walked the brunette and himself out of camp. Mounting his horse as he looked on. Dutch yelling.
"So that's how it's gonna be huh?" Dutch hollered out, "A goddamn boy over your family!? Well, don't bother with that title anymore! You're no son of mine!"

Arthur felt himself begin to tear up. But he wouldn't let a few words get him to tears. As he mounted his horse with Jack he rode into the woods surrounding the overlook and paused. Dismounting the steed he wandered to a tree to sit down nearby. Completely and utterly drained by what just happened. Had..? Had he just lost them all?