Alright hungry hungry emos. Let's make some more food with your favorite emo dad, Pete ;)
I wish I could come up with a better name, but all I have now is Food with Friends.
For the next recipe in Pete Wentz' Friendship Cookbook, we have a high in demand Emo Peteza.
I love pizza very much, so it's important that you follow this exact recipe and not screw it up like our fans that think One Direction and 5SOS are punk-rock.
Okay. First things first you need your ingredients. This includes the usual and boring:
• Dough
• Cheese
• Tomato Sauce
• and other toppings you might seem fit
+ a playlist of songs to jam to during the hard work process, I suggest Metallica and Iron Maiden :D
This pizza is going to be as not boring as possible, and that's what I'm here for. Here's a play-by-play on what you should be seeing happen:
1. Use all of the dough you can fit on a pan and roll it out into a circle. If you like that thick crust, make sure you round and fold the edges. It should look like the back of your bald dad's head, and that's what it's supposed to look like.
Looking for spruce? Well, you are emo (unless you actually are one of those people who make shrines for 1D because those of you can kindly kick your ass out of our emo one-on-one here). And emos like dark colors, everywhere. Not sure if it'll taste good, but dump some red and black food coloring. Just go crazy with colors - AVOID BRIGHT, SUMMERY COLORS BECAUSE THEY WILL BURN YOUR EYES! and they're ugly anyways.
2. Your bald dad head needs á Deux. Don't give your dad a choice and start spooning some sauce. Give him a bloody-haired Gerard look. It'll look good on him.
If you need to, grab a friend so you can just go all out with splashing sauce on the pizza dough. I just grabbed me a Patrick. Bring a guy like him who won't complain and just stand there looking cute while you style your pizza.
While you're at it, add some douchey dance moves and poses to hide your insecurities.
This is totally not a therapeutic drug concoction by the way... Haha what are you talking about?
3. Get all cheesy up in the house. Here's another thing you can go nuts with. Just pile up all of the cheese you have: provolone, (the) Munster(s), American (beauty/psycho), shredded, mozzarella, etc.
It doesn't matter how much cheese you put into your pizza because it's just going to melt away anyways. If you think it's too much, you're doing it right. Let all of those EMOtions melt away with your pizza.
4. Decorate your date.
You've already done the color part, but there's no stopping you now. If you've actually read up to here and followed all instructions, your pizza should look pretty bad ass and your friend will tell you so.
Bring in some more friends that will praise you on and drool over you pizza. It's okay to brag. Bragging makes you feel better, especially if it's about yourself or pizza.
Anyways, go nuts with toppings. You absolutely need toppings or you'll basically be eating black cardboard with Gerard's hairs in it. That's not appealing, no matter how hot Gerard is.
If you're actually planning on eating this thing, I'd suggest the normal:
• Pepperoni/Salami
• Mushrooms
• Peppers
• Sausage/Bacon
• Spices
• Not anchovies
If you're like the rest of us and are more towards making people jealous/hungry, get creative. Use anything you can find. Here's some ideas:
• Glitter glue
• Stickers
• Construction paper cut-out animals
• Paint
• Ribbons
• Bow ties
• Straws
• Et cetera
Slam that bad boy into the oven and go have a party with your own emo dads while it's baking. Hopefully you don't screw up and burn it because that would be goddamn shame.
Once it's done, walk around the house with it. The scent will attract women and men from around the country. It's hard, brick like quality will make jaws drop. It's dark colors will make your eyeliner jealous. The toppings will make all of the ladies want to rip them off and bring them to bed.
Now, you have two choices.
Choice A:
EAT IT! Don't save any for your friends. Let them follow this recipe and make their own. They have arms and legs... Hopefully.
Choice B:
Frame it. Cover it with glass and hang it on the wall. Stick a tack in it and push the pin into the wall. Put it somewhere out in the open so it can breath and so people will see it.
If they're emo like you are, they'll understand because they'll have made Emo Petezas of their own. Share them on Instagram and Twitter with #EmoPetezas or just tag me with your creation @petewentz.
Remember, eyeliner has no gender ;)
~ Pete (Logan from @Youngbloods5century)
