If Only You Knew

SEVEN

- Is this all of it?

I stood in the midst of a sea of cardboard boxes and clear containers, surrounded by the traces of my teenage years. My Dad had decided it was time for a renovation, and my childhood bedroom was the next project on his list. I personally believed that my being home helped his conscience to sort through my belongings. So here I was, sitting through a sea of my possessions. It was nostalgic to look into these boxes, and Donna had kindly volunteered to help which also might have been an excuse to have a break from the boys. She stood beside me, a warm smile on her face as she sifted through a large container of clothes.

- That's it. What do you want to do with these clothes?

I looked up at the two containers behind her, filled with clothes that no longer matched my style nor fit me. There were maybe a couple of lounging clothes I could keep, but the rest would be better recycled.

- I'll donate them but I'd like to take a look first.

Donna nodded and came to sit with me on the floor, digging into a cardbox of yearbooks and photographs. I was neatly organizing my journals, the vaults of my most cherished secrets and thoughts. I fought the urge to dive into them being in the presence of my step mother but I couldn't wait to devour them later at Chloe's. I carefully retrieved the other diaries among the scattered mess to set them aside.

- Oh I remember this! Donna said, holding a photograph.

It was a photo of Lauren, Maggie and me at one of the pajama parties we used to host. Lauren and Maggie were also part of Shawn's friend group and we became fast friends during that time. In the picture, we wore oddly placed pigtails and a crazy amount of flashy makeup, our grinning faces radiating the joy we felt from our silly makeover.

- Wow, talk about a throwback, I said.
- Yeah, I can't believe how time flies, Donna added a bit sentimental.

Donna's words echoed as I wondered what Lauren and Maggie had been up to now. After graduating high school, I chose not to keep up with the girls. I preferred to distance myself from their group of friends rather than have them choose between Shawn or me. They weren't likely to choose me anyway, so I decided not to maintain any form of friendship afterward. It stung a little thinking about it now, I regretted not keeping up with them. These girls had made my high school years an absolute dream after all. As I reminisced, the door creaked open, and in walked the whirlwind that was the twins. Their energy spilling out of them, I sensed their search for mischief as they pushed each other into my room.

- What's all this? Jonah asked, his eyes wide at one of the boxes.
- Old treasures, I said, chuckling. We're sorting through memories.
- Whoa, is that you? Eliott exclaimed, holding up a photograph.

It was a picture of my friends and me on a ski trip. The photograph showcased my pin-straight hair and a thick emo-style bang partially obscuring my face, which seemed to amuse Eliott quite a lot. That hairstyle was the most popular back then, but definitely cringe in retrospect.

- Yep, that's me, I confirmed, a smile on my lips.

I learned to snowboard on that trip, organized by Brian's family. They had a cabin in the Blue Mountain and we spent a lot of our winter there. For a group of teens, this cabin was the perfect safe haven for underage drinking and winter mischief. Later that season, I recalled losing my virginity at the same cabin. The twins' eyes widened, their gazes alternating between the photograph, themselves and me. My heart stopped for a second, wondering if I had just shared this intimate memory out loud.

- Is that Shawn Mendes? Jonah gasped.
- It can't be, Elliot chimed in.

I nervously laughed, relieved that I hadn't accidentally shared too much.